ONE DAY on television I saw three stars holding signs that said REAL MEN DO NOT SUPPORT ISRAHELL. It was an odd message. Justin Timberlake and Ashton Kurtur were two of the stars, and I cannot remember the third. When a message flashes and then goes away, you have to be quick enough to catch the meaning. Pretty radical stuff for tv, and why I suppose it was only shown one day... it stuck with me. I do not like the idea of anyone deciding what real man is, but they made a good point. They were actors who could suffer serious real consequences.... though they all have enough money that if they never worked another day in their lives, they would be fine.
I have a slight history with Ashton that it no longer seems fair to point out... he was on my side in a war that never should have been fought. A madness brought on by the divide and conquer over lords, who want anyone blamed except the guilty -- the oligarchy, of which the great powers have people within....
I do not know what to think of people who were racist in a race war most of them probably did not want.... or so I imagine. Maybe there has been more underground murders than are known in the shadow war, I certainly learned about plenty of them. They charged me with signaling I wanted a race war, despite all the writing I had done my entire life on the topic, and finding myself thinking well beyond such delusions... from staring at a guy without my glasses on, not realizing he was someone who I fought with so to speak on facebook messenger, and who I used to kind of hate, a racist black guy whose homophobia was the first thing he brought up... it was weird. Anyways he was being mean, said something about how I made no money, so I said something about him making no money for a guy with four kids, who he told me were his one day... he thinks I am a racist because I responded in kind to his slam, in a way that triggered a problem of fatherless children that racists point out.... and a letter I sent to Jessie Jackson, an email, that I thought had no effect at all. I was asking him to work with me to make real changes, and added the gauntlet or start your run poetically. I would not have done any of these things if I knew my behavior was being scrutinized.
I wanted to break thru that fourth wall so badly at that point... everything was taking place between myself and the media, because I was technically a hostage of the blacks, who controlled Chicago in the underground world... because a racist group had claimed me as their leader.
I kept thinking it would happen sooner or later. Occasionally it did, like the woman walking by, telling me very seriously, there are a lot of blue eyed people in Alaska. I am not sure if she is telling me to go here to escape, or that they think my wanting to Alaska set them off. The Race War was there, long before, exists as an entity all it's own around me... something to be examined but nothing that makes rational sense, except as a play with the pawns on the chess board.
The radio had been there from the beginning, making comments about things that were pertinent to me, etc... showed a loyalty, I never understood why I lost that loyalty, unless they truly did believe that I wanted to happen what happened.... no, I was just ill informed as to what the hell was going on. I remember one of them lynn braimer really going into me, during the period I was being accused of ordering the murder of people who were in this religion that started around me and my book... why the hell I would ever do that is beyond me... I would have wanted to meet them, dreamt of such a thing happening, being around people who just knew who I was and I did not have to fight any perception.... just sit there as the Christ. I felt and still feel the mysterious aspects of my life prove there is a God. And other things less believable and inconsequential. I am not writing to convince any of you... just to show you there is another narrative than the one they shoved down your throat, or at least accused me of.
Will Ferrell comes on in a one time commercial message saying the truck was named after a general who said oh, let the British slaughter my troops.... I did nothing of the sort. I was not told what was going on with England at all, or I would have made peace if possible. I would never have allowed the slaughter of anyone, let alone soldiers who were fighting with me. Whatever slander you throw at me like that really sticks with me... because I am not going to let slander go without confronting it, and I am not someone to make an enemy of, and if that makes you laugh, then please, laugh all the harder.... and remember how many times I have resurrected, because the truth cannot be crucified and buried away and rewritten as long as I am alive, I am winning.... I told that to someone who asked how I could walk around the neighborhood like I had won... I knew at that point they were going to blame me for the entire matter, after brainwashing me into this thing... that was other than I had been.
The entire public seemed to not want to take into account how maddening my experience was. How I reacted the first time I realized people died, embarrasses me now... I could see them flying through space clearing a path for us to Heaven... I WAS JUST RUNNING FROM THE TRUTH... I wanted to make sense of their deaths, in religious terms, when I had no right... to give my speculation unexamined to the world. I did not want the power I was given, until it was too late to realize the good I could have done... but by the time I learned of this fame, it was too late to capitalize on it and make money to feed the poor and all the dreams I had of what I would do if I ever made a lot of money from my books... but no, that is not going to happen. They ordered me thirteen years ago to only write childrens books or none at all.
I defy them, and my books caused trouble, as they feared. A force had entered the American consciousness of a God among them, Jesus returned, and many believed. I could feel their belief flowing into me in waves... at first... when I first realized God existed and I was the son of God... the made me very happy, as if the world would finally make sense. But I had no magical powers, and other than tv and radio monitoring me and such, my life seemed no different than ever.
The maze is broken now. I remember writing about being in that maze and so pissed about it, before I finally did learn what was going on... it enraged me that I was not told about these things, and that my writing was taken as a lie, and my life as a set of signals to people... messages I could barely believe people used in the ways they did. I put a fucking toy lobster out, and they tortured people with tanning booths. I could not understand how the cruelty was released by my actions.
I knew someone other than me was in control, because I kept hearing about things which I would never advocate, happening. I do not like people trying to control me, and I do not want to try to control people. I would like to be with a people who find a consensus around a few universal ideas, who will fight together, even if it means cutting the heads off the great families... and taking their fortunes for a fund that all the world can be nourished by, instead of this inane elitism. You are not better than anyone else, and it is unseemly to live luxuriously in the hills above the slums... and this is our world.
I think it is product of xenophobia, the one creature fearing anything slightly different, strangers especially who look different, an ape reaction.... that kept us alive through millions of years of evolution, when our kind was of the sorts that they certainly did not mind eating one another. Like when we were fish....
I think culture and acquaintance are the simple anecdotes to racism, and all the isms. Few intellectuals like to be grouped in with their governments, or the sterotypes of their culture, etc...
These are words for those who know; the witting... they are meant to comment on events that are within a context that the general public will more than likely not understand. I AM reclaiming my name here, and responding to the lies about me that fill the heads of the families and the governments and the spies who have filled my life.
Monday, March 27, 2017
never
You expect your racial war to be won by my insurance policy -- that is not going to happen. I WILL NEVER be filled with the rage capable of being that monster if my fair city is attacked. No one will win in a guerrilla war for this city against my force.
Some of you have no idea what you would be walking into/some expect nothing
others way too little
A message was played by throwing the song by the clash with the lines, if Ii stay there will be trouble, if I go there will be trouble.... I did not want the kind of troubles they had going at all, and would not have participated wherever I was. Race wars are a divide and conquer tool. People want the same things, and a few rich at the top can take all that away right now, and have... we live in a world that should be progressing toward paradise, but our priorities got all messed up along the way, when vile men started profiting from war.
I did not where to go and the idea of leaving Chicago, when I had no money and health problems... there was always this assumption by people that I had money, which I never did. I was spending what I had staying stoned enough to deal with what was happening to me. To ignore it. To forget about it for long periods of time, when I could not see my place in the world. When I was told I was hated I was surprised by whom and why? I expected the right wing to despise me but I shared enough of their views that they did not. I am at heart a liberal, and believe collectivism and being an individual is possible; communes filled with artists certainly do not all think alike, disagree heartily on many things, etc.... they simply agree on the essential that mot do. I do not at present think governments or citizens are being responsible. The government needs a centralized leader to push thru change no matter how unpopular it is with the business community.
The trick is the stock market is going to tumble and they have tricked retirees into having all their money there, and I let a criticism about that have a huge effect on me. I wanted to please everyone, and the targets who should have been taken down were often the people who were using me. I am not cruel by nature, I am not hateful.... though Obama made fun of me over the statement, I have always thought of myself as someone who loved everyone in a way. I wrote criticism in voices that were not mine, just jokes to me, being mean to celebrities because everyone was so nice, etc.... spoofing them on my first blog. Gave hateful speeches at a tv conspiracy that I did not understand and took for torture. I spoke to it and acted for it because I could sense gravity but I had no idea. I trusted everyone at first. Now I trust no one at all in the news or on the internet to report on intelligence affairs in any manner that is meaningful to the current situation. Top Secret....
My files are CIA EYES ONLY meaning nothing gets printed, in case they want to just get rid of my file someday with the push of a few buttons. They have me open at the moment and will I would predict as long as they exist, which is a lot less longer than they think. I gave them a second chance for reasons I should not have. Made a rash decision against Bush without ever realizing he was trying to make this right somehow. I just thought if he was firing people in the CIA than they were good guys. I was probably wrong. I would not have done this. There is a lot I would not have done if I knew better. I see why I was portrayed as a Baby.... and the joker/though the Joker as Heath ledger played him was based on me, and he died for that stupid role, was based on my life I felt like I had been totally slandered. I did not understand what purple and green stood for in the intelligence world, though I later learned. Gotham, the latest bathroom show has the Joker with a Cult, a direct reference to me. The Batman fixation with my situation, always trying to destroy me, like they start to call me superman after I did something so now Batman had to kill superman, not some evil villain... because no one in their audience who knew about me was buying their slander anymore.
That film, by using me in a way lot of people hated, caused the death of an actor, and someone to use a guy to shoot up the movie theater when it opened, in Denver, where I guess my power base was. People thought I wanted Colorado, that I was a conqueror at first. One man died to get that on the news.... by getting things in the major media they gave messages to everyone involved across the country. They were doing radical acts at first to get out messages, then the television itself became involved, all part of the fifty year plan... and the tv people were ready, schooled in how the world worked, and about to find themselves being led to a degree by a man who had no idea what was going on out in the world.
To those who died to get me a message.... I swear to you I will never give up the mission that you died for. I will never allow our enemy to have peace without an offer of justice. I will avenge your deaths a hundred times over if I must, though I know you fought so we could overthrow the war makers, and get this countries budget back to the people, instead of the military.... to get rid of the criminals in congress and the senate in one fell blow. Martial Law until the political and judicial system can be reformed. The confiscation of vast resources of hoarded wealth. Those who flee these taxes lose their citizenship, and all properties and businesses confiscated, etc. Hopefully we will get to your money before you do.... I would leave the wealthy with a nice nest egg to live a normal, upper middle class life. Period. I would not punish them in camps or anything insane, I would like to offer them a decent life and a clear conscious, to be a part of a monumental change in the way our country is governed, and our world.
Leading by example and with grants to other countries.... various countries would be relieved to join such a co olition, and democratically the movement would be unstoppable, if propaganda and lies and banned from the political process, and only addressing issues is allowed. And not with lies. Politicians who are held accountable, not above the law.
Some of you have no idea what you would be walking into/some expect nothing
others way too little
A message was played by throwing the song by the clash with the lines, if Ii stay there will be trouble, if I go there will be trouble.... I did not want the kind of troubles they had going at all, and would not have participated wherever I was. Race wars are a divide and conquer tool. People want the same things, and a few rich at the top can take all that away right now, and have... we live in a world that should be progressing toward paradise, but our priorities got all messed up along the way, when vile men started profiting from war.
I did not where to go and the idea of leaving Chicago, when I had no money and health problems... there was always this assumption by people that I had money, which I never did. I was spending what I had staying stoned enough to deal with what was happening to me. To ignore it. To forget about it for long periods of time, when I could not see my place in the world. When I was told I was hated I was surprised by whom and why? I expected the right wing to despise me but I shared enough of their views that they did not. I am at heart a liberal, and believe collectivism and being an individual is possible; communes filled with artists certainly do not all think alike, disagree heartily on many things, etc.... they simply agree on the essential that mot do. I do not at present think governments or citizens are being responsible. The government needs a centralized leader to push thru change no matter how unpopular it is with the business community.
The trick is the stock market is going to tumble and they have tricked retirees into having all their money there, and I let a criticism about that have a huge effect on me. I wanted to please everyone, and the targets who should have been taken down were often the people who were using me. I am not cruel by nature, I am not hateful.... though Obama made fun of me over the statement, I have always thought of myself as someone who loved everyone in a way. I wrote criticism in voices that were not mine, just jokes to me, being mean to celebrities because everyone was so nice, etc.... spoofing them on my first blog. Gave hateful speeches at a tv conspiracy that I did not understand and took for torture. I spoke to it and acted for it because I could sense gravity but I had no idea. I trusted everyone at first. Now I trust no one at all in the news or on the internet to report on intelligence affairs in any manner that is meaningful to the current situation. Top Secret....
My files are CIA EYES ONLY meaning nothing gets printed, in case they want to just get rid of my file someday with the push of a few buttons. They have me open at the moment and will I would predict as long as they exist, which is a lot less longer than they think. I gave them a second chance for reasons I should not have. Made a rash decision against Bush without ever realizing he was trying to make this right somehow. I just thought if he was firing people in the CIA than they were good guys. I was probably wrong. I would not have done this. There is a lot I would not have done if I knew better. I see why I was portrayed as a Baby.... and the joker/though the Joker as Heath ledger played him was based on me, and he died for that stupid role, was based on my life I felt like I had been totally slandered. I did not understand what purple and green stood for in the intelligence world, though I later learned. Gotham, the latest bathroom show has the Joker with a Cult, a direct reference to me. The Batman fixation with my situation, always trying to destroy me, like they start to call me superman after I did something so now Batman had to kill superman, not some evil villain... because no one in their audience who knew about me was buying their slander anymore.
That film, by using me in a way lot of people hated, caused the death of an actor, and someone to use a guy to shoot up the movie theater when it opened, in Denver, where I guess my power base was. People thought I wanted Colorado, that I was a conqueror at first. One man died to get that on the news.... by getting things in the major media they gave messages to everyone involved across the country. They were doing radical acts at first to get out messages, then the television itself became involved, all part of the fifty year plan... and the tv people were ready, schooled in how the world worked, and about to find themselves being led to a degree by a man who had no idea what was going on out in the world.
To those who died to get me a message.... I swear to you I will never give up the mission that you died for. I will never allow our enemy to have peace without an offer of justice. I will avenge your deaths a hundred times over if I must, though I know you fought so we could overthrow the war makers, and get this countries budget back to the people, instead of the military.... to get rid of the criminals in congress and the senate in one fell blow. Martial Law until the political and judicial system can be reformed. The confiscation of vast resources of hoarded wealth. Those who flee these taxes lose their citizenship, and all properties and businesses confiscated, etc. Hopefully we will get to your money before you do.... I would leave the wealthy with a nice nest egg to live a normal, upper middle class life. Period. I would not punish them in camps or anything insane, I would like to offer them a decent life and a clear conscious, to be a part of a monumental change in the way our country is governed, and our world.
Leading by example and with grants to other countries.... various countries would be relieved to join such a co olition, and democratically the movement would be unstoppable, if propaganda and lies and banned from the political process, and only addressing issues is allowed. And not with lies. Politicians who are held accountable, not above the law.
Thursday, March 2, 2017
the use of my life in operation bluebeam, my ressurection... and the NEW STONES beginning to move from my latest crudifixon
I am trapped in your perceptions, a fly in a web. How ironic that I always wrote about this web around me, where anyone who came at me would be caught. Part of the fiction of my life I thought, the dream world of the book I entered, that occasionally seemed to have some effect on what was reported on the news, or used in the plot of a tv show. I did not know at the time that people were desperate to meet me, and I would have met them... though I was conflicting on the point.
I cannot go back in time, so I explain this with my cosmology, God made better decisions than I could and if I had known more I would have made worse decisions than I did. My knowledge now is growing increasingly irrelevant. I hope this means that the conflicts of stupidity have ended, though I also wish to maintain what power I have in case it is needed, to protect and serve, an old concept I was thought helped the cause. I am not sure if they will make up for their sins or not, that is up to them. My knowledge will never hurt them, and it remains to be seen if it will ever help them again. Never look up to anyone. They all fall. You have yourself. Period.
I had many of you at my debt and did not know, even the debts I would have never asked for. I figured a responsible world would have utilized me properly, though you were too idiotic for that, your long terms plans broken, you would fall back on some just as cruel plan B. I will not fight for any side except the one that is losing, because no one should win or lose. WIN WIN WIN WIN... you asked me once why I said this... and I had written this believing a new time was being entered.
Almost ten years ago now. I do not know how you people deal with this, though I understand better now why you are all using so many drugs, and have to drink yourself into stupors to keep your sanity... or whatever it is you call functioning in a dysfunctional killing machine.
I never quit. That is not programmed into the winner. I will rise from every fall, shake myself off, and as you made fun of so much once, skip off... again, a reference in my mind that I did not bother to make sense of to the audience I did not think would care that much, let alone study my words for codes, or words of wisdom, or whatever.
I never wanted any violence, and should have stopped when the first body fell... though then there would just be more of the same. I want what has been done to the masses, this theft, to be compensated for, if not prosecuted. You do not want this because it could very well get you sent to hell a lot quicker than someone in your place would understand, had you such understanding. Moloch will not save you from God, nor will any of your other false icons.
Too much has happened in that short amount of time to tell me that what can be accomplished is more incredible than I could have imagined. No matter what loss has come to those who would stop the military machine from imperialistic western interests from taking over the world.... we must continue. From your secret societies you mist subvert. They will only protect you so long and then you will be judged, after the adequate intelligence is supplied to me.... who is the only one I trust to advocate such an action, let alone give the final orders on carrying it out... which is not something I like to do. You know better than me but in other ways you do not. I am the moral compass and if I point away from your actions, do not follow them.
I do not know who is friend or foe or even why? From this position you wish me to give up? I know a couple friends, and they will have to be enough. They have no reason to betray me, and every reason to keep me around. As long as my enemies have no reason to come for me, they are safe for now... which is untenable with some. I would have them removed from their power bases, removed from the forest for this road we are building out, from this world of lies the criminals have had to construct to hide their crimes..
I cannot go back in time, so I explain this with my cosmology, God made better decisions than I could and if I had known more I would have made worse decisions than I did. My knowledge now is growing increasingly irrelevant. I hope this means that the conflicts of stupidity have ended, though I also wish to maintain what power I have in case it is needed, to protect and serve, an old concept I was thought helped the cause. I am not sure if they will make up for their sins or not, that is up to them. My knowledge will never hurt them, and it remains to be seen if it will ever help them again. Never look up to anyone. They all fall. You have yourself. Period.
I had many of you at my debt and did not know, even the debts I would have never asked for. I figured a responsible world would have utilized me properly, though you were too idiotic for that, your long terms plans broken, you would fall back on some just as cruel plan B. I will not fight for any side except the one that is losing, because no one should win or lose. WIN WIN WIN WIN... you asked me once why I said this... and I had written this believing a new time was being entered.
Almost ten years ago now. I do not know how you people deal with this, though I understand better now why you are all using so many drugs, and have to drink yourself into stupors to keep your sanity... or whatever it is you call functioning in a dysfunctional killing machine.
I never quit. That is not programmed into the winner. I will rise from every fall, shake myself off, and as you made fun of so much once, skip off... again, a reference in my mind that I did not bother to make sense of to the audience I did not think would care that much, let alone study my words for codes, or words of wisdom, or whatever.
I never wanted any violence, and should have stopped when the first body fell... though then there would just be more of the same. I want what has been done to the masses, this theft, to be compensated for, if not prosecuted. You do not want this because it could very well get you sent to hell a lot quicker than someone in your place would understand, had you such understanding. Moloch will not save you from God, nor will any of your other false icons.
Too much has happened in that short amount of time to tell me that what can be accomplished is more incredible than I could have imagined. No matter what loss has come to those who would stop the military machine from imperialistic western interests from taking over the world.... we must continue. From your secret societies you mist subvert. They will only protect you so long and then you will be judged, after the adequate intelligence is supplied to me.... who is the only one I trust to advocate such an action, let alone give the final orders on carrying it out... which is not something I like to do. You know better than me but in other ways you do not. I am the moral compass and if I point away from your actions, do not follow them.
I do not know who is friend or foe or even why? From this position you wish me to give up? I know a couple friends, and they will have to be enough. They have no reason to betray me, and every reason to keep me around. As long as my enemies have no reason to come for me, they are safe for now... which is untenable with some. I would have them removed from their power bases, removed from the forest for this road we are building out, from this world of lies the criminals have had to construct to hide their crimes..
Friday, February 24, 2017
The spouse... is a spy. I almost left her over it... though I cared for her too much after our sharing our bloody cell
THIS ENTRY DISAPPEARED AS I WAS WORKING ON IT.... I am watched stroke for stroke on the computer and they have taken down or changed a lot of my work over the years....
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Sometimes I take their advice, that I have gone too far. ARE THEY FRIEND OR FOE? My friends have removed things from my facebook, and edited my blog, at times in ways I liked, and in others that infuriated me. I gave out my address once, disappeared.... a lot of other things I am remember and tens times or more of that. I do not care how they seek to repress me at this point, how they make me the villion in the manifestations of conflicts I knew nothing about. My prose was very violent for awhile... I keep remembering writing WE WILL KILL AND KILL AND KILL UNTIL THERE IS NO NEED TO KILL AGAIN. I meant this in a political way, as soldiers, etc... it was taken by some a be the blessing of a DEMI GOD, THE NEW JESUS, THE INVISIBLE KING, THE ULTIMATE GANGSTER, THE PIRATE, the....
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Sometimes I take their advice, that I have gone too far. ARE THEY FRIEND OR FOE? My friends have removed things from my facebook, and edited my blog, at times in ways I liked, and in others that infuriated me. I gave out my address once, disappeared.... a lot of other things I am remember and tens times or more of that. I do not care how they seek to repress me at this point, how they make me the villion in the manifestations of conflicts I knew nothing about. My prose was very violent for awhile... I keep remembering writing WE WILL KILL AND KILL AND KILL UNTIL THERE IS NO NEED TO KILL AGAIN. I meant this in a political way, as soldiers, etc... it was taken by some a be the blessing of a DEMI GOD, THE NEW JESUS, THE INVISIBLE KING, THE ULTIMATE GANGSTER, THE PIRATE, the....
Wednesday, February 22, 2017
I still have an aversion to admitting any weaknes
During the worst of my battles, I tried not to show weakness.... I was actively involved in psychological warfare, and ordering violence, not that which was taken behind my back by a command structure that mimicked me just enough for their puppet show, after they used me as Christ in operation Bluebeam, here in the states, back in 07, look at the UFO siting that coincided with them brainwashing me. I do not know why the two are intertwined in the mission, other than to say some atheists were told my abnormalities from normal human were the result of being part alien. I do not know if they had two stories handy to convince a lot of people about me or what, but Hitchens certainly helped bring me down from a mania of preaching that erupted from me right after the brainwashing, which I have very little memory of, a trance state that was deep enough I blacked out perhaps the most important words I had spoke up to that point, convincing the president of the United states I was Christ, for at least one night.
Now I cannot stand to see the tv actors who were in shows that were used to get me messages; I do not want the fictional dream destroyed by my knowing a character. One came up on a newer star trek series and I had turn it off, they used him to show me in a badlight after they were convince I betrayed them, instead of merely rejected their ethics. For awhile they were desperately on my side, asking me what I wanted them to do, telling me they were right across the hall... I had no idea what that meant, and would have knocked on doors in the apartments around me if I had not been tricked by them all one too many times to believe anything that came out of the tv actors mouths.
I want to hate the cast of the whole show... but not hate, really, because this was not their fault or worth dying over, too many famous bodies would show up to describe away as co incidence, maybe... or a junket on a plane that takes out a lot of the rich and famous, whatever... they were just artists who got caught in the cross fire, like me, and I do not blame them for going along with what they thought was right, as wrong as they might have been.
The Irish lost a lot of face with me over the years, after being a profound ally in the beginning of this, and I do not blanket declare them enemies, because I will not stereotype, and even the ones who fought battles I would not of, I wish to bring back into the fold somehow, to forgive you... right now there is still a lot of anger between us. Rightfuly so. Your betrayal and theft from a lot of people has not been put right, and needs to be before I can begin to let go of this.
God, I remember at the end telling the soldiers how I thought they could get over the wounds inside them, by confessing to someone, but the priests sold them out, evidently, and many were killed. At least this is what I heard from an enemy. Unfortunatly I learn more from my critics than friends.
They expected a very different Christ than I turned out to be, a man who could not be bought... they thought I would be easily given fame and fortune and take it at any price, and I would lose my soul being a Jesus I did not believe in as the person they did... I would bring a new scripture, not play it safe and read the bible, like my mother insisted I do when I told her that I was becoming Christ. This is about the most curious response in the world, coming from an even minded woman like my mother, unless you knew that she was involved in the scam to make you Christ or believed you were Christ, or whatever.... she knew what they were doing to me, had long ago agreed to the sacrifice of her son for the greater good, and she raised me to feel the same way, as if I would walk to any cross I must to be myself, and true to my morality. I am less bible oriented than taught by people who believed in no God, thought it a cop out. As did I for years, until I discovered the reality of a world of souls, reincarnating over and over on this planet, trapped by life, sucked back down to be reborn as we reach space. I truly used to have a dream over and over as a child, while still in a crib that I could stand up in and just see over the bars, that I was a happy, warm soul flying about a blue planet, earth, and then suddenly was sucked down to the earth, and I could see and feel myself going toward a specific point, and then I had eyes filled with blood and bright white lights and my mother... was gone. I felt the pain of a whack on my ass, my first introduction to humanity was pain.
My life became so weird because my grandfather was a huge spy on the right, so to speak, and my mother was recruited by the left, to circumvent the teachings of my father's family/ my mother ended up the voice of the white communists in the states, the real power, the one the spies knew about, who spoke in their codes, live a cover life. I knew none of this until I was in my forties, though I had noted odd things about my life, and in the end realized I had been carefully steered toward marrying polish royalty long long before they would give me a book about my own royalty, and I would actually be introduced to queens who I could marry... a weird time in my life. My girlfriend being a spy, and on the Soviet side, meant they won for awhile, because I just let her lead me thru at this period, because I could tell she was involved... Later, I would hear her called bloody mary, in a song that talked about using her to get to the top.... I know she betrayed me at times, had more killed than I want to think about. God, her mind is certainly a mess. Having to live with me as an assignment.... like my last girlfriend.
They were careful to train me for my task, to write new scripture and sermons for a new time. They expected Christianity to turn me right wing, which is not possible on some issues, and barely effects the issues where I have gone more to the right, but they merely include people having guns.... I do not trust the government, and an army of sheep may be all we have in the end, and I at least want them armed, if not trained in the basics of survival and battle strategies, at least ambushes, hit and run, blowing up power plants and dams.... etc... the ways you win a war in the usa is to get a smaller percentage than you would ever think on your side, at first, because when it looks like you might win the slaves will finally realize their chains are make believe and come out of their prisons, and fight their cruel jailors, who lived in lawless luxury as we slaved away for crimes we did not commit.
My weakness is stupid enough that a lot of tv shows got involved in this campaign, as did radio, and even movies, because these areas of mind control and information dissemination, and the ones who played me, or characters who I hated, actors and rockers I engaged with who mostly ended up hating me, after they unsuccessfully tried to blame their mass murders on me and failed woefully, so they had to take responsibilities for their own actions, or find out who in the chain of command gave the orders to murder those I particularly tried to recruit, actually, the blacks. I wanted their help, because I knew them to be very oppressed in this country, as are gays, and others, so when I see a problem I try to fix it, and one way was to normalize these behaviors to people, like my having slept with men in the past, as Supernatural, a show that brought to life a lot of the actions that happened to me, until their writing staff who worked on my story were all fired this year... and while the angel and the king of hell who were both based on me, as well as Kevin, who they brought in when they realized I really had no idea what the hell they were doing, but I am a prophet of God, I could interpret his words in some ways.
They showed me and my mother with Kevin, Chinese, like my communist mom and me. They also made me the God, Chuck, who they gave a lot of my traits to... it was all brilliantly done, though the subject matter was deadly. They showed me as Jew fighting the Nazi's as I had done... they got all mad, certain Hollywood types, when I went back to criticizing the Jews for ISRAHELL and other doings... but not all Jews at all. Just the ones who fall in the evil category, and they own the states at the moment with all their billionaires, buying candidates from both parties, and sabotaging the campaign of anyone who dares question them.... their leaders talk to their people like the usa is their bitch, just come right out and say they control us. They control a certain money flow to politicians, that is all, not the hearts and minds of most of the USA, who will be easily turned against them with proper reporting, which is not allowed under present operation mockingbird rules, where as the cia says, WE OWN ANYONE OF ANY SIGNIFICANCE IN THE MEDIA... do they say this to reassure us no commie referencs wil get in the news, mcarthism with a twist of hitler.
An enemy of my enemy is my friend, to a degree... but with me, they have to agree to certain behaviors that would make me their enemy if they did not follow them. I will not work with an out right enemy to all I believe just to destroy a larger enemy, and risk them taking power in the end. They must be honorable enough to accept that the world needs this fight, and they are welcome to earn redemption, though they cannot kill civilians, whether they ate Jewish or not.... they can think what they want but they might get to fight beside Jews, the awakened few who will understand we fight for the good of all, and after wards they can separate, or get to know each other better, I will not police peoples minds.
I can explain at length the one sentence that set all of this off and it was unfair. My later behavior of feeling betrayed after all I had done, risked and lost to help the diamonds, as the code for Jews is... diamonds, worth nothing really without the crime of beermans hoarding the stones. I would not want to be called by that term. Do they think of this at all? I do not care.
I do know that I wish to assure you that I have no qualms about using a qualified army in a mercenary capacity whom you may hate for their beliefs, but the results are what matter when the stakes are as high as ours. I would go so far as to think sarah silverman, who started all this shit after misinterpreting something I rather thoughtlessly wrote, feeling like no one gave a damn what I wrote anyways... is on the LIVE LIST. So of course she is going to o against me, no matter what I say... but for her to slam Christianity and be a Jew is rather sickening to me, and Muslims, who take him as am important saint or something, as do other religions most do not think of, like the Hindus.
Now I cannot stand to see the tv actors who were in shows that were used to get me messages; I do not want the fictional dream destroyed by my knowing a character. One came up on a newer star trek series and I had turn it off, they used him to show me in a badlight after they were convince I betrayed them, instead of merely rejected their ethics. For awhile they were desperately on my side, asking me what I wanted them to do, telling me they were right across the hall... I had no idea what that meant, and would have knocked on doors in the apartments around me if I had not been tricked by them all one too many times to believe anything that came out of the tv actors mouths.
I want to hate the cast of the whole show... but not hate, really, because this was not their fault or worth dying over, too many famous bodies would show up to describe away as co incidence, maybe... or a junket on a plane that takes out a lot of the rich and famous, whatever... they were just artists who got caught in the cross fire, like me, and I do not blame them for going along with what they thought was right, as wrong as they might have been.
The Irish lost a lot of face with me over the years, after being a profound ally in the beginning of this, and I do not blanket declare them enemies, because I will not stereotype, and even the ones who fought battles I would not of, I wish to bring back into the fold somehow, to forgive you... right now there is still a lot of anger between us. Rightfuly so. Your betrayal and theft from a lot of people has not been put right, and needs to be before I can begin to let go of this.
God, I remember at the end telling the soldiers how I thought they could get over the wounds inside them, by confessing to someone, but the priests sold them out, evidently, and many were killed. At least this is what I heard from an enemy. Unfortunatly I learn more from my critics than friends.
They expected a very different Christ than I turned out to be, a man who could not be bought... they thought I would be easily given fame and fortune and take it at any price, and I would lose my soul being a Jesus I did not believe in as the person they did... I would bring a new scripture, not play it safe and read the bible, like my mother insisted I do when I told her that I was becoming Christ. This is about the most curious response in the world, coming from an even minded woman like my mother, unless you knew that she was involved in the scam to make you Christ or believed you were Christ, or whatever.... she knew what they were doing to me, had long ago agreed to the sacrifice of her son for the greater good, and she raised me to feel the same way, as if I would walk to any cross I must to be myself, and true to my morality. I am less bible oriented than taught by people who believed in no God, thought it a cop out. As did I for years, until I discovered the reality of a world of souls, reincarnating over and over on this planet, trapped by life, sucked back down to be reborn as we reach space. I truly used to have a dream over and over as a child, while still in a crib that I could stand up in and just see over the bars, that I was a happy, warm soul flying about a blue planet, earth, and then suddenly was sucked down to the earth, and I could see and feel myself going toward a specific point, and then I had eyes filled with blood and bright white lights and my mother... was gone. I felt the pain of a whack on my ass, my first introduction to humanity was pain.
My life became so weird because my grandfather was a huge spy on the right, so to speak, and my mother was recruited by the left, to circumvent the teachings of my father's family/ my mother ended up the voice of the white communists in the states, the real power, the one the spies knew about, who spoke in their codes, live a cover life. I knew none of this until I was in my forties, though I had noted odd things about my life, and in the end realized I had been carefully steered toward marrying polish royalty long long before they would give me a book about my own royalty, and I would actually be introduced to queens who I could marry... a weird time in my life. My girlfriend being a spy, and on the Soviet side, meant they won for awhile, because I just let her lead me thru at this period, because I could tell she was involved... Later, I would hear her called bloody mary, in a song that talked about using her to get to the top.... I know she betrayed me at times, had more killed than I want to think about. God, her mind is certainly a mess. Having to live with me as an assignment.... like my last girlfriend.
They were careful to train me for my task, to write new scripture and sermons for a new time. They expected Christianity to turn me right wing, which is not possible on some issues, and barely effects the issues where I have gone more to the right, but they merely include people having guns.... I do not trust the government, and an army of sheep may be all we have in the end, and I at least want them armed, if not trained in the basics of survival and battle strategies, at least ambushes, hit and run, blowing up power plants and dams.... etc... the ways you win a war in the usa is to get a smaller percentage than you would ever think on your side, at first, because when it looks like you might win the slaves will finally realize their chains are make believe and come out of their prisons, and fight their cruel jailors, who lived in lawless luxury as we slaved away for crimes we did not commit.
My weakness is stupid enough that a lot of tv shows got involved in this campaign, as did radio, and even movies, because these areas of mind control and information dissemination, and the ones who played me, or characters who I hated, actors and rockers I engaged with who mostly ended up hating me, after they unsuccessfully tried to blame their mass murders on me and failed woefully, so they had to take responsibilities for their own actions, or find out who in the chain of command gave the orders to murder those I particularly tried to recruit, actually, the blacks. I wanted their help, because I knew them to be very oppressed in this country, as are gays, and others, so when I see a problem I try to fix it, and one way was to normalize these behaviors to people, like my having slept with men in the past, as Supernatural, a show that brought to life a lot of the actions that happened to me, until their writing staff who worked on my story were all fired this year... and while the angel and the king of hell who were both based on me, as well as Kevin, who they brought in when they realized I really had no idea what the hell they were doing, but I am a prophet of God, I could interpret his words in some ways.
They showed me and my mother with Kevin, Chinese, like my communist mom and me. They also made me the God, Chuck, who they gave a lot of my traits to... it was all brilliantly done, though the subject matter was deadly. They showed me as Jew fighting the Nazi's as I had done... they got all mad, certain Hollywood types, when I went back to criticizing the Jews for ISRAHELL and other doings... but not all Jews at all. Just the ones who fall in the evil category, and they own the states at the moment with all their billionaires, buying candidates from both parties, and sabotaging the campaign of anyone who dares question them.... their leaders talk to their people like the usa is their bitch, just come right out and say they control us. They control a certain money flow to politicians, that is all, not the hearts and minds of most of the USA, who will be easily turned against them with proper reporting, which is not allowed under present operation mockingbird rules, where as the cia says, WE OWN ANYONE OF ANY SIGNIFICANCE IN THE MEDIA... do they say this to reassure us no commie referencs wil get in the news, mcarthism with a twist of hitler.
An enemy of my enemy is my friend, to a degree... but with me, they have to agree to certain behaviors that would make me their enemy if they did not follow them. I will not work with an out right enemy to all I believe just to destroy a larger enemy, and risk them taking power in the end. They must be honorable enough to accept that the world needs this fight, and they are welcome to earn redemption, though they cannot kill civilians, whether they ate Jewish or not.... they can think what they want but they might get to fight beside Jews, the awakened few who will understand we fight for the good of all, and after wards they can separate, or get to know each other better, I will not police peoples minds.
I can explain at length the one sentence that set all of this off and it was unfair. My later behavior of feeling betrayed after all I had done, risked and lost to help the diamonds, as the code for Jews is... diamonds, worth nothing really without the crime of beermans hoarding the stones. I would not want to be called by that term. Do they think of this at all? I do not care.
I do know that I wish to assure you that I have no qualms about using a qualified army in a mercenary capacity whom you may hate for their beliefs, but the results are what matter when the stakes are as high as ours. I would go so far as to think sarah silverman, who started all this shit after misinterpreting something I rather thoughtlessly wrote, feeling like no one gave a damn what I wrote anyways... is on the LIVE LIST. So of course she is going to o against me, no matter what I say... but for her to slam Christianity and be a Jew is rather sickening to me, and Muslims, who take him as am important saint or something, as do other religions most do not think of, like the Hindus.
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
Knowing now what I didn't know then
I am a completely different person today than I was most of my life. I have given up on ever achieving the approval of my peers. Indeed I feel I have no real peers, people who have gone through exactly what I did, which is unprecedented in some ways, though there was plenty of other people who were brainwashed to be leaders of cults that are controlled by right wing intelligence agencies, likely the moonies owning the Washington post -- their old leader was Korean Intelligence when he started the cult, surely getting a lot of help from the CIA.
I am someone they tried to use for a drama about religion, like it was magical and not real, just an act... others believed what they were told in the beginning, the CHRIST had awakened. I felt this was true, especially in the trances that came over me and I wrote a book unlike any prose that I written before, which had been adamantly atheist before those three days in the hospital that I do not remember.... came out of it with notes written all over my arms, things they told me that I did not want to forget, but they made no sense when I came back around to something more like my regular self, though quite different.
The brainwashing messed me up enough they put me in a psych ward afterwards, where I was given all sorts of messages from the other patients, one trying to warn me there would be cameras watching me everywhere, another telling me the blacks were backing me in my revolution, and the Catholic Church, though I was told later since I asked for A Mormon bible, because they were the ones who predicted I would return here, I caused many catholics to convert. I am not why I could not accept the Catholic bible, though I know now, the same reason I cannot accept becoming Jewish. I do not think you become Jewish, I think it is often a cultural, and it is not mine... and the Talmud I disagree with, and their present leaders, and all kinds of things that would make the decision wrong for me, who must always remain a critic...
As soon as you have an ally, mine being China, I am humbled and honored to say, you so not look for reasons to be piss them off, especially a culture that is very sensitive about words. There is no reason to bring discord into this world unless you have a damned good reason, then bring it on... however, most of the time, a polite level of speech is the best way to deal with people whom you owe a debt, and wish to earn back what respect I have lost, and was stolen from me in many ways with the video footage, etc... China gets this about me, and also knows that I want more socialization of the USA... in fact I demand this as a condition of negotiating any real peace.
I almost hope Trump tries something against China, because he will see us tear this country apart from within, igniting civil wars and leaving radioactive dead zones where their major cities once were... as I have written many times, we will kill and kill and kill and kill until we need kill no more. I never meant this as a reason to randomly kill anyone, and was thinking much more in military terms. There are many things I said that were taken incorrectly. Many incidents that could have been avoided had I truly had a chain of command, or knowledge of what was happening in the world. Our enemies may have won big because of this, and I remember, during the period I was stunned by how many people were behind me, and the things they were about to do, that I stopped them from because I simply did not have enough intelligence.
I can imagine a few reasons for this.... one would be that no one seemed to know what side I was on, and not knowing your codes or groups, seemed to say or do something all the time that pissed off someone, who I would not have had I known. The women who died for me... I would read about the suicides in horror and pray they were not associated with me... Their sacrifice brought a new level of commitment to the struggle, a force prepared to die to get their objectives, to save the earth.... though I would NEVER WANT TO SAVE THE PLANET BY BECOMING THE GREATEST SERIAL KILLERS IN ALL TIME. Seven Billion. I do not want to live with people who would do such a thing.... better the body is ash and the soul flying free.
I wish I had not done many things, but God works through me, sometimes much to my disgust, humility with a capital H, or as a buffoon making mistakes that turn out to be the right thing. I remember the car accidents and the talk of the trains take off or not. I had no idea what either meant, took them as criticisms that I was doing something wrong... I had no idea what it was, let alone what letting the train loose meant... I was still under the idiotic impression that I was working with people who had a similar philosophy. I was trying to deal with all these questions coming from my tv, and the occasional people who seemed to outright address me... I did not want them bothering me by that point, so I usually did not respond, until during the interrogation, when I was offline. I keep remembering Robert Downey Jr. speaking directly to me at an awards show, which happened a few times, because only then could these stars talk directly tome... which always shocked me, but I had no idea of the extent of the webcam... I figured all the stars were spies and in on it, when indeed many were victims, while others were, and are for the most part, out right traitors.... that night Downy acted like I did not recognize him, and chose to point out he was in Chaplin -- which is an astounding movie, and his acting... nothing short of a masterpiece. I was laying back in a chair and just turned away, both M and I were tired.
I tried to make it easier for the people using the tv to talk to me, and I guess others around the country... thought watching children's shows would be easy to change, but they could change anything, or shot a lot the footage long before. This mission had been laid out many years ago, billions must have been spent.
In the end the question in people's minds was whether I knew what was happening in the out side world, activities that I ostensibly caused, though there were always others in the shadows, cia saying HE MAY HAVE WROTE THIS, BUT HE MEANS THIS...
OVER AND OVER.
I had one world in mind to revolt against another, and found not one castle but nine, rivaling or exceeding the white house in power. The complexity threw me. Up to then most of my knowledge of the world was academic and I thought politics was a bunch of sell outs for the corporations, at least those in power in my voting life, which is just over thirty years... I quit following it entirely for years, preferring to study ancient history, or a ... write stories had nothing to do with other than letting my mind improvise some comedy. I knew something was waiting for me, from a story I cannot tell, but it added nothing to my knowledge of what I was running into.. had I known I would have not done much differently in the years between that and being drafted by intelligence...
There was always a message underneath the stories, though many were misread. I came across a story of a high school male killing the parents of his girlfriend. It is kind of like.... well, that sure as hell did not make the situation any better. And wondering what kind of mindset could do that? Imagining myself inside that character, but acting from a combination of muses... trying to show the naïve, unthinking act they played out.
I would never have written this story if I thought that people would mimic this. There are many other incidents in my writing that I find have nothing to do with my prophecies, nothing to do with the messages I bring from the cave in my particular mountain, where I have spent a monkish life studying the ways of humans, and the craft of writing. When I heard a song suggesting this was happening, that kids were killing their parents, and people were beating each other up in the name of love... I was looked at one way by some, another by others, I assumed... after at first thinking everyone knew I was Jesus and would act accordingly, and when they did not, I began to fight... and anyone who stood in my way seemed like a fair target, though I had no idea who was stopping me, helping me, just stealing money, etc...
I was harsh and angry when I first made these connections. This I did not expect, nor quite know what to do with. I did not expect my words to have any more effect than they had in the past, and often wrote things that have been written for thousands of years, like giving people carnivals to keep them from revolting, and I named tv, music, and sports. I had read this written by many authors, goes back to comments about Ceasers in Rome. I continued watching tv and listening to music though I had never followed sports, unless I could go to live games, which I loved. There was much made of this because once more stopping sports was someone chosen as a way to revolt. I remember seeing a teleplay talking about the poor manager who was shit on by the jocks and wanted to get them back... it made me wonder, once again, how stupid were the people I was dealing with? From the pop psychology of a twelve year old... I was a manager of the sports teams up to my sophomore year, used to keep score of the Junior High games, and get paid for it, and enjoyed the games. I walked the long mile plus home from practice with George, who was usually my best friend. The guys on the team I had known all my life and we enjoyed each other.
I understood I had missed formative years playing sports because of my back and would never be great at them, but I was good enough to play in our neighborhood and loved playing football and later baseball, too. Mostly liked foot ball. We has a basketball court and a baseball diamond on the corner of our block, and plenty of open space for a football field. Truth by told my favorite game involved climbing this huge tree, and one guy hat the bottom would have a ball of some sort, soccerish, and they would try to hit the people in the tree with it, who would then climb down and be it. I was a real monkey at the time.. And it was fun hitting people with the ball. I no care if people are into sports than I care if anyone else is into something I am not interested in, like collecting stamps. If I was right there listening to an expert talk about the topic and showing me stamps, cool... same with going to a baseball game, or any sport except bull fighting and shit.
The first year after the brainwashing they asked me the toughest questions, and I only understand them now. I WAS NOT GOING TO FAKE, THOUGH... pretend I was some pompous priest
I could not with stand the drug interaction between Seroquel and my body in general, though especially with Tramadol. I lost a year to that, feeling like hell, not myself. When I got off them I lay in bed for almost a month. ANDY Dick made a joke about it, Saying he was sending the kids, whom I had inspired to revolt, to go to mcdonalds because he was napping. No one seemed to have any idea what had just happened to my mind in that hospital. No one seemed to have any pity at all for the situation I was in. I kept waiting for someone to come openly to me and talk of these things, and they never did. TV stood up and tried to aide in the fighting, and I would call them acting as patriots at times, even if their actions were grave mistakes, the redemption and forgiveness of God's Grace is always there for the asking.... or even when it is not asked for, or believed in.
When I was in the hospital a second time, they tried to say they had taken the hitler out of me... and jokes were made about it by a third character we brought in sometimes, which I filed away and wondered just what the fuck they meant.... I wanted to ask when these things happened, but I did not. I wish I could go back and change that....
I am someone they tried to use for a drama about religion, like it was magical and not real, just an act... others believed what they were told in the beginning, the CHRIST had awakened. I felt this was true, especially in the trances that came over me and I wrote a book unlike any prose that I written before, which had been adamantly atheist before those three days in the hospital that I do not remember.... came out of it with notes written all over my arms, things they told me that I did not want to forget, but they made no sense when I came back around to something more like my regular self, though quite different.
The brainwashing messed me up enough they put me in a psych ward afterwards, where I was given all sorts of messages from the other patients, one trying to warn me there would be cameras watching me everywhere, another telling me the blacks were backing me in my revolution, and the Catholic Church, though I was told later since I asked for A Mormon bible, because they were the ones who predicted I would return here, I caused many catholics to convert. I am not why I could not accept the Catholic bible, though I know now, the same reason I cannot accept becoming Jewish. I do not think you become Jewish, I think it is often a cultural, and it is not mine... and the Talmud I disagree with, and their present leaders, and all kinds of things that would make the decision wrong for me, who must always remain a critic...
As soon as you have an ally, mine being China, I am humbled and honored to say, you so not look for reasons to be piss them off, especially a culture that is very sensitive about words. There is no reason to bring discord into this world unless you have a damned good reason, then bring it on... however, most of the time, a polite level of speech is the best way to deal with people whom you owe a debt, and wish to earn back what respect I have lost, and was stolen from me in many ways with the video footage, etc... China gets this about me, and also knows that I want more socialization of the USA... in fact I demand this as a condition of negotiating any real peace.
I almost hope Trump tries something against China, because he will see us tear this country apart from within, igniting civil wars and leaving radioactive dead zones where their major cities once were... as I have written many times, we will kill and kill and kill and kill until we need kill no more. I never meant this as a reason to randomly kill anyone, and was thinking much more in military terms. There are many things I said that were taken incorrectly. Many incidents that could have been avoided had I truly had a chain of command, or knowledge of what was happening in the world. Our enemies may have won big because of this, and I remember, during the period I was stunned by how many people were behind me, and the things they were about to do, that I stopped them from because I simply did not have enough intelligence.
I can imagine a few reasons for this.... one would be that no one seemed to know what side I was on, and not knowing your codes or groups, seemed to say or do something all the time that pissed off someone, who I would not have had I known. The women who died for me... I would read about the suicides in horror and pray they were not associated with me... Their sacrifice brought a new level of commitment to the struggle, a force prepared to die to get their objectives, to save the earth.... though I would NEVER WANT TO SAVE THE PLANET BY BECOMING THE GREATEST SERIAL KILLERS IN ALL TIME. Seven Billion. I do not want to live with people who would do such a thing.... better the body is ash and the soul flying free.
I wish I had not done many things, but God works through me, sometimes much to my disgust, humility with a capital H, or as a buffoon making mistakes that turn out to be the right thing. I remember the car accidents and the talk of the trains take off or not. I had no idea what either meant, took them as criticisms that I was doing something wrong... I had no idea what it was, let alone what letting the train loose meant... I was still under the idiotic impression that I was working with people who had a similar philosophy. I was trying to deal with all these questions coming from my tv, and the occasional people who seemed to outright address me... I did not want them bothering me by that point, so I usually did not respond, until during the interrogation, when I was offline. I keep remembering Robert Downey Jr. speaking directly to me at an awards show, which happened a few times, because only then could these stars talk directly tome... which always shocked me, but I had no idea of the extent of the webcam... I figured all the stars were spies and in on it, when indeed many were victims, while others were, and are for the most part, out right traitors.... that night Downy acted like I did not recognize him, and chose to point out he was in Chaplin -- which is an astounding movie, and his acting... nothing short of a masterpiece. I was laying back in a chair and just turned away, both M and I were tired.
I tried to make it easier for the people using the tv to talk to me, and I guess others around the country... thought watching children's shows would be easy to change, but they could change anything, or shot a lot the footage long before. This mission had been laid out many years ago, billions must have been spent.
In the end the question in people's minds was whether I knew what was happening in the out side world, activities that I ostensibly caused, though there were always others in the shadows, cia saying HE MAY HAVE WROTE THIS, BUT HE MEANS THIS...
OVER AND OVER.
I had one world in mind to revolt against another, and found not one castle but nine, rivaling or exceeding the white house in power. The complexity threw me. Up to then most of my knowledge of the world was academic and I thought politics was a bunch of sell outs for the corporations, at least those in power in my voting life, which is just over thirty years... I quit following it entirely for years, preferring to study ancient history, or a ... write stories had nothing to do with other than letting my mind improvise some comedy. I knew something was waiting for me, from a story I cannot tell, but it added nothing to my knowledge of what I was running into.. had I known I would have not done much differently in the years between that and being drafted by intelligence...
There was always a message underneath the stories, though many were misread. I came across a story of a high school male killing the parents of his girlfriend. It is kind of like.... well, that sure as hell did not make the situation any better. And wondering what kind of mindset could do that? Imagining myself inside that character, but acting from a combination of muses... trying to show the naïve, unthinking act they played out.
I would never have written this story if I thought that people would mimic this. There are many other incidents in my writing that I find have nothing to do with my prophecies, nothing to do with the messages I bring from the cave in my particular mountain, where I have spent a monkish life studying the ways of humans, and the craft of writing. When I heard a song suggesting this was happening, that kids were killing their parents, and people were beating each other up in the name of love... I was looked at one way by some, another by others, I assumed... after at first thinking everyone knew I was Jesus and would act accordingly, and when they did not, I began to fight... and anyone who stood in my way seemed like a fair target, though I had no idea who was stopping me, helping me, just stealing money, etc...
I was harsh and angry when I first made these connections. This I did not expect, nor quite know what to do with. I did not expect my words to have any more effect than they had in the past, and often wrote things that have been written for thousands of years, like giving people carnivals to keep them from revolting, and I named tv, music, and sports. I had read this written by many authors, goes back to comments about Ceasers in Rome. I continued watching tv and listening to music though I had never followed sports, unless I could go to live games, which I loved. There was much made of this because once more stopping sports was someone chosen as a way to revolt. I remember seeing a teleplay talking about the poor manager who was shit on by the jocks and wanted to get them back... it made me wonder, once again, how stupid were the people I was dealing with? From the pop psychology of a twelve year old... I was a manager of the sports teams up to my sophomore year, used to keep score of the Junior High games, and get paid for it, and enjoyed the games. I walked the long mile plus home from practice with George, who was usually my best friend. The guys on the team I had known all my life and we enjoyed each other.
I understood I had missed formative years playing sports because of my back and would never be great at them, but I was good enough to play in our neighborhood and loved playing football and later baseball, too. Mostly liked foot ball. We has a basketball court and a baseball diamond on the corner of our block, and plenty of open space for a football field. Truth by told my favorite game involved climbing this huge tree, and one guy hat the bottom would have a ball of some sort, soccerish, and they would try to hit the people in the tree with it, who would then climb down and be it. I was a real monkey at the time.. And it was fun hitting people with the ball. I no care if people are into sports than I care if anyone else is into something I am not interested in, like collecting stamps. If I was right there listening to an expert talk about the topic and showing me stamps, cool... same with going to a baseball game, or any sport except bull fighting and shit.
The first year after the brainwashing they asked me the toughest questions, and I only understand them now. I WAS NOT GOING TO FAKE, THOUGH... pretend I was some pompous priest
I could not with stand the drug interaction between Seroquel and my body in general, though especially with Tramadol. I lost a year to that, feeling like hell, not myself. When I got off them I lay in bed for almost a month. ANDY Dick made a joke about it, Saying he was sending the kids, whom I had inspired to revolt, to go to mcdonalds because he was napping. No one seemed to have any idea what had just happened to my mind in that hospital. No one seemed to have any pity at all for the situation I was in. I kept waiting for someone to come openly to me and talk of these things, and they never did. TV stood up and tried to aide in the fighting, and I would call them acting as patriots at times, even if their actions were grave mistakes, the redemption and forgiveness of God's Grace is always there for the asking.... or even when it is not asked for, or believed in.
When I was in the hospital a second time, they tried to say they had taken the hitler out of me... and jokes were made about it by a third character we brought in sometimes, which I filed away and wondered just what the fuck they meant.... I wanted to ask when these things happened, but I did not. I wish I could go back and change that....
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