The Groups

ONE DAY on television I saw three stars holding signs that said REAL MEN DO NOT SUPPORT ISRAHELL.   It was an odd message.  Justin Timberlake and Ashton Kurtur were two of the stars, and I cannot remember the third.  When a message flashes and then goes away, you have to be quick enough to catch the meaning.  Pretty radical stuff for tv, and why I suppose it was only shown one day...   it stuck with me.   I do not like the idea of anyone deciding what  real man is, but they made a good point.  They were actors who could suffer serious real consequences.... though they all have enough money that if they never worked another day in their lives, they would be fine.

I have a slight history with Ashton that it no longer seems fair to point out...   he was on my side in a war that never should have been fought.  A madness brought on by the divide and conquer over lords, who want anyone blamed except the guilty -- the oligarchy, of which the great powers have people within....

I do not know what to think of people who were racist in a race war most of them probably did not want....  or so I imagine.   Maybe there has been more underground murders than are known in the shadow war, I certainly learned about plenty of them.   They charged me with signaling I wanted a race war, despite all the writing I had done my entire life on the topic, and finding myself thinking well beyond such delusions...  from staring at a guy without my glasses on, not realizing he was someone who I fought with so to speak on facebook messenger, and who I used to kind of hate, a racist black guy whose homophobia was the first thing he brought up... it was weird.   Anyways he was being mean, said something about how  I made no money, so I said something about him making no money for a guy with four kids, who he told me were his one day...  he thinks  I am a racist because I responded in kind to his slam, in a way that triggered a problem of fatherless children that racists point out....   and a letter I sent to Jessie Jackson, an email, that I thought had no effect at all.   I was asking him to work with me to make real changes, and added the gauntlet or start your run poetically.    I would not have done any of these things if I knew my behavior was being scrutinized.

I wanted to break thru that fourth wall so badly at that point... everything was taking place between myself and the media, because I was technically a hostage of the blacks, who controlled Chicago in the underground world...   because a racist group had claimed me as their leader.  

I kept thinking it would happen sooner or later.   Occasionally it did, like the woman walking by, telling me very seriously, there are a lot of blue eyed people in Alaska.   I am not sure if she is telling me to go here to escape, or that they think my wanting to Alaska set them off.   The Race War was there, long before, exists as an entity all it's own around me...  something to be examined but nothing that makes rational sense, except as a play with the pawns on the chess board.

The radio had been there from the beginning, making comments about things that were pertinent to me, etc...  showed a loyalty,   I never understood why I lost that loyalty, unless they truly did believe that I wanted to happen what happened....  no, I was just ill informed as to what the hell was going on.   I remember one of them lynn braimer really going into me, during the period I was being accused of ordering the murder of people who were in this religion that started around me and my book...   why the hell I would ever do that is beyond me...   I would have wanted to meet them, dreamt of such a thing happening, being around people who just knew who  I was and I did not have to fight any perception....   just sit there as the Christ.   I felt and still feel the mysterious aspects of my life prove there is a God.   And other things less believable and inconsequential.    I am not writing to convince any of you...  just to show you there is another narrative than the one they shoved down your throat, or at least accused me of.


Will Ferrell comes on in a one time commercial message saying the truck was named after a general who said oh, let the British slaughter my troops....   I did nothing of the sort.   I was not told what was going on with England at all, or I would have made peace if possible.   I would never have allowed the slaughter of anyone, let alone soldiers who were fighting with me.    Whatever slander you throw at me like that really sticks with me...  because I am not going to let slander go without confronting it, and I am not someone to make an enemy of, and if that makes you laugh, then please, laugh all the harder....   and remember how many times I have resurrected, because the truth cannot be crucified and buried away and rewritten as long as I am alive, I am winning....   I told that to someone who asked how I could walk around the neighborhood like I had won...   I knew at that point they were going to blame me for the entire matter, after brainwashing me into this thing...  that was other than I had been.

The entire public seemed to not want to take into account how maddening my experience was.  How I reacted the first time I realized people died, embarrasses me now...  I could see them flying through space clearing a path for us to Heaven...    I WAS JUST RUNNING FROM THE TRUTH...  I wanted to make sense of their deaths, in religious terms, when I had no right...   to give my speculation unexamined to the world.   I did not want the power I was given, until it was too late to realize the good I could have done...   but by the time I learned of this fame, it was too late to capitalize on it and make money to feed the poor and all the dreams I had of what I would do if I ever made a lot of money from my books...  but no, that is not going to happen.   They ordered me thirteen years ago to only write childrens books or none at all.

I defy them, and my books caused trouble, as they feared.   A force had entered the American consciousness of a God among them, Jesus returned, and many believed.   I could feel their belief flowing into me in waves...  at first...   when I first realized God existed and I was the son of God... the made me very happy, as if the world would finally make sense.  But I had no magical powers, and other than tv and radio monitoring me and such, my life seemed no different than ever.

The maze is broken now.   I remember writing about being in that maze and so pissed about it, before I finally did learn what was going on...   it enraged me that I was not told about these things, and that my writing was taken as a lie, and my life as a set of signals to people... messages I could barely believe people used in the ways they did.   I put a fucking toy lobster out, and they tortured people with tanning booths.   I could not understand how the cruelty was released by my actions.

I knew someone other than me was in control, because I kept hearing about things which I would never advocate, happening.  I do not like people trying to control me, and I do not want to try to control people.  I would like to be with a people who find a consensus around a few universal ideas, who will fight together, even if it means cutting the heads off the great families...   and taking their fortunes for a fund that all the world can be nourished by, instead of this inane elitism.  You are not better than anyone else, and it is unseemly to live luxuriously in the hills above the slums...  and this is our world.

I think it is product of xenophobia, the one creature fearing anything slightly different, strangers especially who look different, an ape reaction.... that kept us alive through millions of years of evolution, when our kind was of the sorts that they certainly did not mind eating one another.  Like when we were fish....

I think culture and acquaintance are the simple anecdotes to racism, and all the isms.  Few intellectuals like to be grouped in with their governments, or the sterotypes of their culture, etc...