I still have an aversion to admitting any weaknes

During the worst of my battles, I tried not to show weakness....  I was actively involved in psychological warfare, and ordering violence, not that which was taken behind my back by a command structure that mimicked me just enough for their puppet show, after they used me as Christ in operation Bluebeam, here in the states, back in 07, look at the UFO siting that coincided with them brainwashing me.   I do not know why the two are intertwined in the mission, other than to say some atheists were told my abnormalities from normal human were the result of being part alien.  I do not know if they had two stories handy to convince a lot of people about me or what, but Hitchens certainly helped bring me down from a mania of preaching that erupted from me right after the brainwashing, which I have very little memory of, a trance state that was deep enough I blacked out perhaps the most important words I had spoke up to that point, convincing the president of the United states I was Christ,  for at least one night.

Now I cannot stand to see the tv actors who were in shows that were used to get me messages;   I do not want the fictional dream destroyed by my knowing a character.   One came up on a newer star trek series and I had turn it off, they used him to show me in a badlight after they were convince I betrayed them, instead of merely rejected their ethics.  For awhile they were desperately on my side, asking me what  I wanted them to do, telling me they were right across the hall...  I had no idea what that meant, and would have knocked on doors in the apartments around me if I had not been tricked by them all one too many times to believe anything that came out of  the tv actors mouths.

I want to hate the cast of the whole show... but not hate, really, because this was not their fault or worth dying over, too many famous bodies would show up to describe away as co incidence, maybe... or a junket on a plane that takes out a lot of the rich and famous, whatever...  they were just artists who got caught in the cross  fire, like me, and  I do not blame them for going along with what they thought was right, as wrong as they might have been.

The Irish lost a lot of face with me over the years, after being a profound ally in the beginning of this, and  I do not blanket declare them enemies, because I will not stereotype, and even the ones who fought battles I would not of, I wish to bring back into the fold somehow, to forgive you...  right now there is still a lot of anger between us.  Rightfuly so.  Your betrayal and theft from a lot of people has not been put right, and needs to be before I can begin to let go of this.

God, I remember at the end telling the soldiers how  I thought they could get over the wounds inside them, by confessing to someone, but the priests sold them out, evidently, and many were killed.  At least this is what  I heard from an enemy.  Unfortunatly I learn more from my critics than friends.



They expected a very different Christ than I turned out to be, a man who could not be bought...  they thought I would be easily given fame and fortune and take it at any price, and I would lose my soul being a Jesus I did not believe in as the person they did...   I would bring a new scripture, not play it safe and read the bible, like my mother insisted I do when I told her that I was becoming Christ.  This is about the most curious response in the world, coming from an even minded woman like my mother, unless you knew that she was involved in the scam to make you Christ or believed you were Christ, or whatever.... she knew what they were doing to me, had long ago agreed to the sacrifice of her son for the greater good, and she raised me to feel the same way, as if I would walk to any cross I must to be myself, and true to my morality.  I am less bible oriented than taught by people who believed in no God, thought it a cop out.  As did  I for years, until I discovered the reality of a world of souls, reincarnating over and over on this planet, trapped by life, sucked back down to be reborn as we reach space.   I truly used to have a dream over and over as a child, while still in a crib that I could stand up in and just see over the bars, that I was a happy, warm soul flying about a blue planet, earth, and then suddenly was sucked down to the earth, and  I could see and feel myself going toward a specific point, and then I had eyes filled with blood and bright white lights and my mother... was gone.   I felt the pain of a whack on my ass, my first introduction to humanity was pain.

My life became so weird because my grandfather was a huge spy on the right, so to speak, and my mother was recruited by the left, to circumvent the teachings of my father's family/  my mother ended up the voice of the white communists in the states, the real power, the one the spies knew about, who spoke in their codes, live a cover life.  I knew none of this until I was in my forties, though I had noted odd things about my life, and in the end realized I had been carefully steered toward marrying polish royalty long long before they would give me a book about my own royalty, and I would actually be introduced to queens who I could marry...  a weird time in my life.   My girlfriend being a spy, and on the Soviet side, meant they won for awhile, because I just let her lead me thru at this period, because I could tell she was involved...  Later, I would hear her called bloody mary, in a song that talked about using her to get to the top....  I know she betrayed me at times, had more killed than I want to think about.  God, her mind is certainly a mess.  Having to live with me as an assignment.... like my last girlfriend.

They were careful to train me for my task, to write new scripture and sermons for a new time.  They expected Christianity to turn me right wing, which is not possible on some issues, and barely effects the issues where I have gone more to the right, but they merely include people having guns....  I do not trust the government, and an army of sheep may be all we have in the end, and  I at least want them armed, if not trained in the basics of survival and battle strategies, at least ambushes, hit and run, blowing up power plants and dams.... etc...  the ways you win a war in the usa is to get a smaller percentage than you would ever think on your side, at first, because when it looks like you might win the slaves will finally realize their chains are make believe and come out of their prisons, and fight their cruel jailors, who lived in lawless luxury as we slaved away for crimes we did not commit.

My weakness is stupid enough that a lot of tv shows got involved in this campaign, as did radio, and even movies, because these areas of mind control and information dissemination, and the ones who played me, or characters who I hated, actors and rockers I engaged with who mostly ended up hating me, after they unsuccessfully tried to blame their mass murders on me and failed woefully, so they had to take responsibilities for their own actions, or find out who in the chain of command gave the orders to murder those I particularly tried to recruit, actually, the blacks.   I wanted their help, because I knew them to be very oppressed in this country, as are gays, and others, so when I see a problem I try to fix it, and one way was to normalize these behaviors to people, like my having slept with men in the past, as Supernatural, a show that brought to life a lot of the actions that happened to me, until their writing staff who worked on my story were all fired this year... and while the angel and the king of hell who were both based on me, as well as Kevin, who they brought in when they realized I really had no idea what the hell they were doing, but I am a prophet of God, I could interpret his words in some ways.

They showed me and my mother with Kevin, Chinese, like my communist mom and me.   They also made me the God, Chuck, who they gave a lot of my traits to... it was all brilliantly done, though the subject matter was deadly.   They showed me as  Jew fighting the Nazi's as I had done... they got all mad, certain Hollywood types, when I went back to criticizing the Jews for ISRAHELL and other doings... but not all Jews at all.   Just the ones who fall in the evil category, and they own the states at the moment with all their billionaires, buying candidates from both parties, and sabotaging the campaign of anyone who dares question them.... their leaders talk to their people like the usa is their bitch, just come right out and say they control us.   They control a certain money flow to politicians, that is all, not the hearts and minds of most of the USA, who will be easily turned against them with proper reporting, which is not allowed under present operation mockingbird rules, where as the cia says, WE OWN ANYONE OF ANY SIGNIFICANCE IN THE MEDIA...   do they say this to reassure us no commie referencs wil get in the news, mcarthism with a twist of hitler.

An enemy of my enemy is my friend, to a degree...  but with me, they have to agree to certain behaviors that would make me their enemy if they did not follow them.   I will not work with an out right enemy to all I believe just to destroy a larger enemy, and risk them taking power in the end.  They must be honorable enough to accept that the world needs this fight, and they are welcome to earn redemption, though they cannot kill civilians, whether they ate Jewish or not.... they can think what they want but they might get to fight beside Jews, the awakened few who will understand we fight for the good of all, and after wards they can separate, or get to know each other better, I will not police peoples minds.

I can explain at length the one sentence that set all of this off and it was unfair.   My later behavior of feeling betrayed after all I had done, risked and lost to help the diamonds, as the code for Jews is...  diamonds, worth nothing really without the crime of beermans hoarding the stones.  I would not want to be called by that term.  Do they think of this at all?   I do not care.

I do know that I wish to assure you that I have no qualms about using a qualified army in a mercenary capacity whom you may hate for their beliefs, but the results are what matter when the stakes are as high as ours.   I would go so far as to think sarah silverman, who started all this shit after misinterpreting something  I rather thoughtlessly wrote, feeling like no one gave a damn what I wrote anyways...  is on the LIVE LIST.  So of course she is going to o against me, no matter what I say... but for her to slam Christianity and be a Jew is rather sickening to me, and Muslims, who take him as am important saint or something, as do other religions most do not think of, like the Hindus.