I am placing these words out there for those who know about intelligence, because my usual forms of communications have been shut down, due to the fact that I am in a jail of sorts, what I am told is a Buffalo Jail, where like many others who have fallen out of favor with certain powerful interests, generally the CIA, I can roam around but never leave. I am not sure this still applies to me, though I do know that I have enemies and allies all over the country, and most of them have no idea who I really am. They have been fed a universe of lies, and extrapolated onto my behavior while being viewed on webcams ranting and raving, and trying to live my life ignoring the cameras that were once ever present in my life, as much as possible.
I am writing this blog for those who already are beyond being incredulous about what has happened in my life, and indeed more than likely have been able to access more of the truths surrounding me than I have myself. I wish to dispell certain myths, especially those that have been spread by my enemies and ex allies.
The start of this is to say that I did not know who I was working with or really why in 07 when all of this became apparent to me, though a large apparatus was in place to set me up as the new Christ on the planet. I was brainwashed, and in horrible pain, and my expectations of what would happen with the fame I had, were all rendered surreal when I was declared an enemy of the state of sorts. I never meant for this to happen. I wanted to use the radio show and the movie contract and my writing to start a movement that included boycotts, civil disobedience, and a religious revival based on the confusing notion that I am Christ. I need not explain to you how many believed this, nor how many took me to be a revolutionary, a criminal, or a pirate, who was using religion in a machiavellian manner.
The first myths I have to dispell is that I am NOT A CRIMINAL, not have I ever been one. What I wrote was taken out of context, and given more weight than I meant. I was a blogger when this started, and did not think that the stars and politicians and others I commented on would ever give the slightest shit what a disabled, stoner, poor, unknown writer in Chicago wrote about them. I was trying to be amusing, and comment on the violence I saw everywhere by writing in a violent character, who I found funny.
I never had any intention of my comedic stories being anything more than jokes, in a way. . . my philosophy as a writer was that my cosmology would be accessible to anyone, and they would judge the stories I wrote within that context. I knew as a student of literature that the metaphorical landscape of the writer's mind was the basic metaphor for all their writing, and did not try to write on a lot of diffferent levels consciously, for the most part.... I just assumed that my liberal, environmentally conscious, union oriented, ways were the underpinnings of all my work, and would be taken as such.
Later, when I found out how serious my words had been taken, by the messages that I heard where my stories were actually used as templates for how to live, scriptures from a holy man, and ways to fight a revolution, I was in such disbelief that I could not see how what I was seeing on tv had to do with my work. I was supposed to answer quesstions, give orders, etc... but I was simply watching what was happening, and either resenting or being flattered when my work was used by tv shows and others.
The abuse of being brainwashed, and the confusion it caused me, along with the stunning idea that God existed, and indeed I was what you preceive of as His son was almost too much for me to bear. The idea of being a religious icon seeemd much more important, the real revolution, than the civil disobedience I was hearing about.... I wrote poetry for the first few weeks, and this was taken as selfish by some... but I had no idea what powers I had, if any, or what was true and what was not at that point. The people who drugged and brainwashed me did so for a reason, which I have been explained was to make me more moral -- though I was a moral person before this, not to please some Go usually, but because not only was this my natural tendency, I also was filled with self hate, and could not look myself inthe mirror WHEN I was behaving in ways I despised, which is why I gave up drinking and many other things that made me feel terrible about myself.
I am too tired after a sleepless night staying up watching STRIKE BACK, to continue on this entry. I do want to say that while I will be writing to those who already know the top secret intelligence that I learned after taking an extorted loayalty oath, that I will still be generally following this methodology. I am not trying to expose anything more than who I am, and deconstructt some of thelies about me.
The first one, which always comes back to me, is Will Ferrell accusing me of sacrificing an army to the British. I used to criticize the royal family quite a bit, but SO DO A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE. I wrote about bread and carnival gettung in the way of revolution, sports, tv, and music... tv and music then had a lot to do with the revolution, but for some reason the sports angle was played up to the point that people thought I hated people who play sports, or watch sports. This is not the case at all. I do not follow sports, because I have other interests, but in high school I was the manager of all the teams, because my friends played and I was disabled and could not... I liked going to the games, and even kept score for the junior high for nominal pay. Sports was a large part of my growing up, but books, and art, and women and partying were much more to my tastes. That this equated into something that produced a tv teleplay about how I was the manager that all the players hated and wished he was a star, etc... was just foolishness. I wanted to be an artist, not a sportsfigure. I wanted to be involved with the activities in my school, at least up until tenth grade, when my parents divorced and being molested and doing drugs and my back surgery all kind of got in the way of that.
Another thing I wish to address is what I call MY MISSION. I believe in my religious heart that I am Christ and am here to destroy the planet, so that there is nothing for souls to reincarnate back into and there is no 'gravity' so to speak to pull souls back to the planet. This is based on a reoccuring dream I had as a child, of floating above the earth, feeling curious and warm and invisible, and then being sucked down to earth and being born. Also memories of reincarnating, and going thru reincarnation therapy.... am I right? This is just a subective opinion based on the facts as I see them. I do not know if I am making a path thru a forest of lies, or producing metaphors for a greater mystery, privy only to God the father. I will leave a religion beind if the planet survives this incarnation of myself. If not, I will give one to those who are alive who care to have an updated, scientifically based, religion based on the best thinkers that I have ran across in my life, written with the writerly skills I learned in university... or I will simply give my own mind a context within which it can function without driving me crazy, or making my life seem meaningless....
Per this mission, a few years ago, while recovering from surgery and on heavy drugs, I wrote the line that I would even use Nazi's to complete my mission if I had to -- this mission offering people the comfort of the religious writing I planned on doing. I was very shocked when while moving and picking up trash I found a scrap of paper that read on it, WE ASKED A HOLY MAN HOW WE SHOULD LIVE. HE SAID WE SHOULD GET A DOG. I knew this referred to me because I had often written and talked to the bugs abut how much my dog taught me, etc... but I was very shocked by the idea of people thinking I was a Holy Man. I wrote in the voice of a powerful religious figure on line, but that was never how I felt in my real life. When I wrote the nazi line, I was thinking of redemption, and how any group, no matter what they had done in their past, was welcome to share in the religious writing that I was doing. The thought was more or less a statement of how serious I was about what I was doing... way too much was made of this line. The Jews, who Ihad always protected, paraded sarah silverman, who i had always thought of as an ally.. showed up on a commercial saying she no longer liked a coffee cup, and I was often associated with coffee because when they were filming me I drank a lot coffee all them.... I do not want to try to explain all of this, because if you know you know, and if not this will all be so far over your head that you will think I am mad, which is fine. Go read something else. I do not intend to spend time catching people up to speed. I do that on facebook and in my other blog. WITH VERY mixed results, and here I wish to write things that are just true... without havig to deal with trols.
REGARDLESS, this lead to my feeling like the Jews had turned against me, and I started doing a lot of research into zionism and aspects of the Jewish Culture that I found very repulsive, and even criminal, on the part of some Jews, though I do not want to give the inpression I stereotype people, because while I may do this once in awhile, it is more or less like cursing in front of a child, I catch myself.... it is sloppy thinking. Sometimes my anger goes places that have me sound anti-semetic but I am not at all. I have a problem with Israel, and the way the treat palastinians, segregate their schools, and how many crazy rabbi's talk about how superior they are, the federal reserve, and the banking system, particularly the Rothschilds. I HAVE problems with all religions when it comes to ancient minds trying to pass on outdated knowledge to our times, and people taking what they has said as meaningless. How many commandments were edited out over the years about how to care for donkeys, etc... I forget how many there ... the same criticisms I have for people who use the media to instigate certain myths, and hide the crimes of Israel, or any country that does this to their press. Here the media is mostly owned by Jews, and since they believe that I had something to do with harming them and have attacked me, I logically brought to light their sins, which are facts, rather than mere name calling and propaganda, which is the usual manner that the zionists respond. no one in this country stands up to this system because it harms their careers in the arts and politics and many other areas. I do not care. Rahm Emmanual is a mayor I helped get into Chicago, and he is Jewish, and my criticisms of him have nothing to do with his religion, nor does why I like him. I just do. I love the intrinsic worth of people, I just criticize their behavior. I consider the very different things, though peoples egos, as does mine, often get in the way.
Back to WILL FERRELL'S slander against me. I did not know that there was a war with england. I had no idea when I heard on the news that the English were invading florda that they were going against my side, which I guess had to do with blacks and hispanics at that point. I will not choose a side based on skin tone, etc... I think the world is much more complex than that, and am well beyond seeing people as more than souls in various colored bodies....
NOW let us talk about this RACE WAR. When you brought this up to me, as if I wanted such an action to happen, you cited two things... the first was Kenneth. I had grown to dislike this racist ass long before the night we had an arguement. He defended M. Jackson to the point that he would not discuss the topic, showing his racism -- if Jackson had been white, he would have dismissed him as a pedophile, but since he was ONCE BLACK, Kenneth decided everything was a conspiracy against blacks. The second was his homophobia. He wanted to be an actor, though he was doing nothing toward being an actor, and he stated to me he would never play a gay person, showing he was also homophobic.... when he then made fun of my being on a disability and not making much money, I made fun of him in the same respect, saying he had kids he could not afford on a social worker's salary... I was not thinking about the history of this statement, but he has a hatred for white people and he did. THE whole thing started when he assumed I was lying about tickets, because I was mad at him for not wanting to do a rado show.... now, I had no idea my actions were all being examined for messages or something. I would have behaved differently, as I do between public and private, but YOU BROKE THAT FOR ME WITH A WEBCAM I NEVER ASKED FOR AND SURE AS HELL DID NOT WANT... it was a mystery as to why you were even watching me. I do not feel like anything special most of the time at all. I do not go around thinking in my head I AM THE SON OF GOD.... this may be true, but whatever is true is not the point here. Like I said before, there is almost no description of the life of Jesus... just a few of his words lasted, though we live in a different time obviously. The other thing cited was Jessie Jackson, who I thought was a friend and ally of mine, which is why I went to operation push, thinking someone would finally recognize me and talk to me.... etc... I was going mad from the isolation, from only interacting, almost exclusively, about these matters through the tv. When he acted like he did not recognize me... well, when I wrote the email to him, it was a plea to be recognized and work together. I was pretty ignorant at that point, had no idea what you were thinking about me and doing and examining etc...
I thought my writing on the matter of blacks, and my friendships with blacks, and my policy as a cab driver to always pick up blacks, and living in an integrated neighborhood where I always said hello to everyone, including blacks, and my frequently writing on my blog that I did not want racist, anti-semites, homophobes, immigrant haters, etc... to be my friends on facebook told the story. You I guess already had something going on this front -- or perhaps it is like you claimed, that you thought I wanted this...
No. You saw my reaction to this whole thing. Making me a racist, or someone who is against inter-racial couples, especially when I had written over and over that inter-racial, inter-tribal marriage, etc.. was a way we brought peace in the past. I could not believe that anyone would think I was a racist who knew anything about me at all. Of COURSE, I still thought you basically knew me from my writing, and what I thought were spies watching me, from various sides... which I again hated... I am trying to get over most hatred, and I guess I understand why you did this now, because if I was on your side of the mirror, I would want to know as much about me as possible. I would not however be a peeping tom against someone's will...
I did not realize anyone was making money off of me... I never saw this money. The one time you offered me money, it was for something I did not want to take money for... stolen blood money or whatever is wrong for me. You can do as you will, that is pretty much between you and God -- and me when you die, when I decide your hell if you deserve it, though it is certainly not for all eternity, it is more a way to learn and shape your soul, and teach you of all the different ways of being.
I did not want this Train of Pain that I heard about, and felt that needed to be stopped by any means necessary. I feel horrible about people who wanted to do God's will and thought they were getting secret mesages from me to do things that later caused me to attack them, or turn my back on them, etc.... I was trying to be the world's cop. I thought that was my role, to clean up this planet, to make it safe again.
I threw out threats and demands and whatever and nineity nine percent of the time it at least seemed to me that nothing became of them, so when you did make a big deal out of something, like when I tried to get the gangs to stop killing with a threat to take out the entire gang if they kept killing, it was pretty much seeing if I had the power to get them to stop. I did not want that followed thru on, and recognized that every time I said I liked the dealer who was in a gang, they pounded on the ceiling. I should have said that was just an attempt. Like I responded at the time, you throw out a threat and see if that will work... but I know the terrible logistics of what I threatened, and I certainly know better now, after living in a predominantly black neighborhood and meeting a lot of gang bangers.
When eighty houses were burned in Indiana and it was reported as an Insurance dispute, I felt terrible for those people... the unreality of the situation, kept me from really emotionally dealing with what a horrible thing that was. I heard about things on tv, like hearing the evening news, and being saddened by something, but it is so far away and there is always something terrible happening, so you let it go. Now, those things have piled up, and my understanding of the horrors of my actions are real to me.
I cannot apologize for what happened, though I can tell you I am sorry they happened... and sure as hell they were not my intent. I came into this callling for peace and love among all groups, and you treated me like shit, made me angry as hell, brain washed me, messed up my life in so many ways.... it was too much for me to deal with, though I did my best. It was all a question of how much I was told, which was not enough. Like with the poem about the Bushes that resulted in Jeb's situation. I had no clue that was going to happen. I would not have written many things, like the Jerry Fallwell poem, if I knew they would result in actions.
I do not know who made the decisions on these things, and if it was the mistake of the hostage takers or the cia or the bushes or the freemasons or whomever. I do not care. This happened, I cannot change it... I can however make sure that not only the victors write this history. STAND POINT theory says you have to look at everyone's view to undersand a historical event. I add mine because this is what really happened. Yes, you gave me all kinds of information on the tv, and yes, you brought different groups to meet me, but I had no idea you were going to do the things you did, or I would have done what I did -- stopped you cold.
I told you very early on, in the first week, DO NOT GIVE ME POWER... I said give me your poor and destitute and sick and those who needed help. I wanted to be of service, not serviced. Again, I did not know how much my actions were effecting you. These things were never part of my plan. I always thought that fame would be a platform from which I would launch a revolution, or I would use another method to launch a revolution. I did not think the fame was going to come by the time I was in my mid forties, until I was offered the show and the movie contract... this triggered in me all the plans I had made for that moment. Then the knowledge that the voice of Jesus and certain visions and powers were at my disposal, shattered my entire world view. The world seemed like it was all part of God's plan and I had a place in bringing world peace. There was no feeling quite like it. The day I remember best was seeing a cliche dust mote in a beam of sunlight and thinking I understood the entire world, that there was a plan in the universe, and UNIVERSAL TRUTHS.... which my post modern education had taken from me.
This is when the misson I was on took on a new urgency -- not to save souls in the traditional manner, but to change religion itself to make it viable for our times, and also to add the visions God seemed to be giving me. I can see this elaborate future, where there are like fourteen huge, encased cities on the entire continent, and the rest is left to be trees and animals, and this is how the pollution, etc.. is fixed. By trees and time and the self correcting knowledge of Eve, which is what I would call earth if I could, or Eden. The entire world felt like it could be Eden again, because I would get rid of the lies that made up most religious thought and especially what they condemn....
When the different groups began appearing, and the Hispanics, especially Mexicans, began to ask me if I had alleigence to them, I responded by defending myself. The same as I did when the femninists or gays approached me. I believed I could show you the truth about myself, for whatever goog that would do. I did not know why I was on trail, but I sure as hell get it now. I would have told you that I do not have a Chosen people in my head, that WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES AND IMAGINE THE PLANET, I seer souls, bits of bright white light surrounded by a yellow glow, and shaped kind of like a capsule
These are words for those who know; the witting... they are meant to comment on events that are within a context that the general public will more than likely not understand. I AM reclaiming my name here, and responding to the lies about me that fill the heads of the families and the governments and the spies who have filled my life.
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