I WENT UP ON THE ROOF FOR YOU THREE TIMES

THE BEST PLACE TO HONEYMOON IS A TRAIN.


Do you remember saying these things to me?   I did not know what you meant by up on the roof, or exactly what happened though I can imagine the helliish scenes after hearing of diapers and carrying babies -- two other things that came to me in one sentence bursts when my enemies/or those who had been turned into enemies by the imaginings of metaphorical svengali's, were in control of at least the tv.

The period was one where I tried to show sympathy for you.  When my nerves were raw and I could not believe what I was hearing had happened.

Trains....   I do not wish to bring up names...  I do wish to say that I do not know what the back and forth in these matters was.   I took the trains to be some kind of metaphor for how I was being viewed, and could never figure out what the hell you were doing.... and when I did, I sent your sins back at you, and judged a pound of flesh would be paid.  And it was.  Another decision made without any real intelligence to guide me, onlya few carefully tossed out sentences here and there.

I want you to know that I am sorry you went thru this, on all sides... my prayers and tears and mourning are not fettered and chained to any one ideaology or race or religion or....  nothing.  THE PLAN IS THE FIRST THING THAT DIES IN A BATTLE.   You had no plan.   I was on a mission to do what I am doing, find the truth, and save the world from itself.   Put the madman in a straight jacket before he tears himself apart.  Medicate your demons away and re-insert you into a sane world;   now I realize that world must be created first.   I started out in an asylum, you thought, and my madness spread across the entire world.  My rage killed and killed and killed...  I warned you what could happen if you messed with me.  You would not listen.  You do not listen still.

The travesties that happened during this time period are wounds those involved will always bear, but if you keep tearing them open they will never heal.  I HAVE THE CHILDREN.  Look how they flocked to a socialist candidate who offered sanity and compassion over the cold, rigged rat race..  I WILL NOT LET YOU INFECT THEM WITH YOUR RACISM, YOUR HOMOPHOBIA, YOUR MYSOGONY....   I will destroy this entire world first.  That is a promise -- and I may be ordered to do so whether you can self correct or not.  THOSE ARE MY RELIGIOUS BELIEFS.

Scientificially I know that I ended up working with the elite.  Soros and others.  I do not hate you for this.  I do feel that you are not my natural allies in most respects.  The rich have too much to lose by my rising to power and they know this -- not that I want power.   I had power after telling you not to give me power, but you felt like a ship without a rudder.  Then you blamed me for the mess you put yourselves into... yes, whatever the fuck the white stripes or whatever that band was that sang you harmed each other and then blamed you for harming yourself.   How could I feel otherwise when I did not know what the fuck you were doing, and I would have ordered the exact opposite.

I wanted you to choose your side....  not even knowing how many sides there were.  Now that I know, now that I see the complexities, I will choose always only the side of justice, equality, and compassion.   You think I lack these things -- no, but I will turn the ocean red to get them.  What the irony is here is that all I wanted was peace, but you baited me...  abused me... left me in pain....  all you had to do was come to me and this would have all went down differently.  

That is not what God wanted.   He wanted either to break you or make you, I suppose.   Are you broken?   Have your hatreds grown to the point that there is no room for love to heal you?   If so, then nurse your wounds for the rest of your lives but stop trying to incite  a race war.   Stop trying to incite religious wars.   I will say if the Muslims cannot accept western ideals on free will that they should not come to these shores.  We will smash you like a bug.   I want to welcome your people, and allow you to live as you will, though you must live and let live to earn that right.  That goes for all of you.  

We will make room for love.   By any means necessary.

The God OF Many Masks... The One.... I AM.

I am working on a book about a revolution, where a creature similar to myself is the center.  A game plan-- no, I do not want to pretend I am qualified for that. I read this today   "Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness to God."
1 Corinthians, 18, 19

As usual, I opened the bible at random.  The first passage I came to said the lamb must be sacrificed and a trembling started in my soul.  I turned to the new testament, which I tend to find most revelatory, and found these words.   Only by playing the fool could I learn what those who consider themSELVES wise consider their truth.   I also understand how the wisdom of God makes foolishness of all we hold dear on this planet.  The visions I had were nothing from this world.... make no sense in science--my old God, who at leastt knew to throw out the old salt.

Throwing out the old salt.  Everytime I write this vital line, I remember a cia killer, the one who told me DONT TELL THEM ABOUT THE BONES, which meant nothing to me because I knew nothing about any bones, though it makes sense there would be bones now that I know they were killing off those who were following me religiously, without my knowledge, following a person who thought he was at war with the whole world...  a fool.  Confused.  A creature I certainly never meant to be a role model, or for people to look for wisdom from....  too late to go back and change any of that, not that I would.  I trust that God caused to happen what happened.  He broke you with a steal rod, as prophessied.   The killer also said to me, WE HAD TO GET RID OF THE OLD SALT.   The old salt I told him meant prophesy that was no longer relevant.

THIS was just before I was started being held responsible for the deaths of blacks.  When I told them to  take whatever money they had -- they always talked about money, though I had none, and did not know who the hell had any.   They immediatly accused me of putting monetary value on life -- I who turned down millions and millions because it was associated with lies, theft and blood.  How they misjudged me, how they lied about me, how they misinterpreted me.   I know now how they hate religion, how I once did myself.   Lies, lies, lies -- from those who call themselves holy.

Now I realize the old salt were humans they murdered.  No details for to write now... in fifty years, if man is still around, or sooner, actually, because the only way or this planet to survive is for me to win, and I will open the records.  Not to make trials for the powerful.  I do not want seiges of the elite all over the planet, I want them to accept an honorable surrender that saves lives on all sides.  I want the bloodshed to end today..... though that is not going to happen.  i HAVE KNOWN all along this would be a bloody process, theoretically, though that is so different than the truths of the blood.  The killers and the dead both as damaged.   The dead the lucky ones, though I will never convince people of that, most.... thank God I do not have to.   Believe as you will, though it would be helpful if they would come around to the golden rule, pitch in and help.

I think of what I used to write when it was all fictional to me, pretending I had this power and these forces, feeling like that was a truth when I was in the fictional, stoned trance I have trained myself into using, then coming back down to earth afterwards every time to a filthy apartment, a seemingly loveless life, a world that was self destructing around me, and never getting any better.

I need to address the brown shirts.   I need allies to fight the darkside of the zionists.  NO ONE ENSLAVES THIS PLANET.  That tiny country is causing so many problems on this planet that I cannot see how I could not accept allies who will help me put a stop to this.   I have to tell you that I do not believe in supramists of any sort, not by lineage, geography, intelligence, physical health, age... none of that.   I will fight people who try to put such things into practice.  I will work with you to stop the take over, and then you can believe as you believe, I do not want your minds, but I have to have the assurance that there will be Jews who are left alone.  I do not believe that stereotyping is going to be seen as anything other than bad thinking by the future, which I speak of and wish to stop qualifying from now on that it may not exist at all.

The enemies I am going after have nothing to do with what religion they have been, other than this is the mask they are wearing in this time, in the past they were romans, and about every other group you can think of, always a group that takes itself to be superior because of the advent of some new weapon that puts their forces above the others for a short while.  Over and over... the history of weaponery is the history of humynkind.   We have a weapon now that they have in abundance.  They can end the world, we can probably do the same.... take out the atmosphere.  Nukes around volcanoes, on the ocean floors where the continents meet, strung along the great fault lines...  I do not like to think of the day that our enemy 'wins' only to learn that is their only real way of losing.  The irony.

You ask me why I would now say to the English that I do not want to harm them, after all your efforts... and my only answer is that I did not know you were taking my words so seriously.  i did not know the extent of the chaos.  I did not know when xrt kept playing the Clash's Should I stay or should I go, the lines there will be trouble if I stay, trouble if I go... was a question.   I did not want trouble in the senses they were caused.   I wanted ....  change.  I did not know how to get it so I wrote about revolution.  My heart and soul are less enamored of that phrase at this point.   I am much more interested in working together, but I still have my terms, and I still leave it to you to build your bridges to me... though I will greet you with love and warmth when you get here.

The bridge is simple, we work on the problems together, based on the idea that everyone is equal, and the poor, the aged, the young, and the weak are all to be blessedly taken care of.   Each according to his need.  I know this is how the higher levels of existence work, and to bring heaven to earth will require bringing this love into manifestation.   I do not mean to sound like a hippy.   I see piles of bodies in the future.  I see my people victorious, and I see the planet burned black, with skies of fire reigning down bloody rain on a lifeless landscape.  I see a world where humans have retreated into huge cities, glorious and self sufficent, recycling, and the forests growing once more, the animals once more living in their simple patterns, with man a shadow who moves among them as caretakers and observors, nature watchers....

Have you ever wondered why people take pictures of everything, when there are already perfect pictures by professionals of the same things?   I think they are trying to prove to themselves they are there....   to spur on memories of who they were once....  I cannot look at my old pictures of who I was without remembering contexts of horror.   Perhaps in the future I will have days I can remember without horror... instead of the old me... the oblivious me... and the bewildered, blood covered, monster in waiting.

Know I am not your enemy, no matter who you are, unless you insist on making me so.  I have prayed and prayed to forgive all who have hurt me, and I cannot let this stupidity of pain and vengence and hatred fill me and stop my mission.  The mission directive has to be all I care about in the end, even if I have to let God take care of most of that, and you.... those of you who have survived must either be the toughest mo fo's on the planet, or the most blessed warriors....  though I mean no denigration to those who have passed.  Your burden will be greater than theirs.  That is what still being alive means.   You will always be oppressed in my name.  The bringer of bad news for the elite is always shot.  They kill the messagers, but the message lives on... I am the message.


I will comment on this election only to say that I pray that whoever wins will be effected by God in great and wonderous ways.   I do not hate or love either of them.   I have written the usual negative things I do about both of them, I suppose...  but know I do not really consider who wins significant, though I am very much on the side of immigrants, especially the undocumented.  I will never abandon you, even if you have turned your back on me.  This is who I am and that cannot be changed.  iam sorry YOU had to put up with my ignorance, and I do not envy anyone who had to defend the creature you saw on your webcams.  That was mostt often not me at all.  The idea that children watched me will never bode well for those who allowed that, but that is their blot to get over. 

CANADA, DENVER, and tears for life

There was a guard killed on the Canadian boarder.  A sign that I had said we had enemies there, one of the trains of pain.   I was talking a lot about sniper rifles and gasoline at that point.  For a couple reasons.  The main was to target specific people, the gasoline was tucked in a paragraph which I knew would effect certain people differently --  agent provocateur.   I had never used this phrase before, and it was meant to alert certain people not to follow this order, because it was traceable, and I was hoping to weed out the mentally ill and some others who would follow this order... and later on the news I heard of some parents who were grateful that their son, who was described as mentally unstable, in Colorado, was found with twenty gallons of gas...  I am sorry son, but I did not know what was going on in Colorado, and after what I heard I expected the worst.

I went for Canada because of a train.   A town later was obliterated to stop that train.  This is a horror we are all going to have to live with, but I would do the same thing again and will if I have to.  NOTHING OF THIS SORT WILL BE TOLERATED.   I WILL MAKE PEACE NO MATTER HOW MANY PEOPLE DIE TO GET US THERE.   Peace thru war is about all I have ever seen work...  other things do work, but not with heavily armed psychos who think they can win.... then it is all a slave revolt, and that is my expertise.

I need to go back to Colorado, because once again Noble people did terrible things with a mission in mind that they trusted...   and due to the lack of communication with me, and the mistake of making an enemy in the black community, which has a history I am not even aware of, though I would have went willing to stop the killing.   I will not offer my life up to anyone.  That is not my decision to make and I do not like the consequences that will ensue if such an attempt is even made, though I look forward to this as well.  Know I will act as you have no idea I can, and pray to whatever depraved part of you that wants to live that you do not find out any time soon, though it seems almost inevitable.

I kept trying to please you people, all sides... until you told me of the violence, then I felt like I had a paring knife and was surrounded by psychos with tanks, and my words were the only way to stop you... and to get you firing on one another, instead of me.  Not that I am going to take credit anymore for my decisions.  That was all black psy-op's before.   I let you think I meant to do something, but as I realized when you explained to me what was going on, and blaming it one me -- who seemed to be the only one for awhile who knew it was not me, THIS MUST BE GOD...  I was rather awe inspired by that thought, and I held onto that rock in the flood of hellfire that was flowing all around me, spewed from the mouth of the demons trying to kill me.

I think you know by now that humans do not have the power to kill me.  I warn you not to try because of the consequences to you....  and my cats, and family.   I will welcome being back in spirit, but that is not coming anytime soon..  There is way too much to do.  I even pray sometines that my vision was for the next life, not this one, and the scientific burden can go to my second and I can die an old man.

I can never grieve enough for what has been done by those of you who martyred yourself.  Early on and later.   I would not have done many things if I had known what was happening -- how many times have I written that ...  but that is not what was supposed to happen.  I was not supposed to be used by the group that is behind this mayhem.  God would not allow this.   All your plans to use me are done and discredited by most.

You also know I am not going to be a king....  why I went back and forth on this does not matter.  I guess there were times I used it for one thing, other times another... the main point is that you would not allow me what I wanted, a round table discussion with the leaders and experts, because you in power do not want what is right, you want what pleases you specifically...   what enriches you in what will be dust one day.  Philosophy is obviously not your strong point.   In fact you do not have any strong points as far as I can tell.   YOU ARE VERY WEAKS, YOU HUMANS.

I kept distancing myself from humans, disallowing my own humanity, which was more than likely another way of distancing myself from the mayhem.  I doubt you care much about my psychological musings, but I am very different than most of you, and very similar to....  well, in ways some of you.  Others we seem to have nothing in common at all.   I have never been able to be a fanatic.  I read too many books about cults and never trusted religion was right -- I could never find being gay to be a sin, and other matters.   I still feel this way.  I could certainly never see one group of humans as superior to others.   All sorts of things people seem able to believe quite naturally seem to be bullshit to me.  I do not know why this is, if it was all the novels, who I innately am -- a person who can see the truth when offered it as an option...   usually.   I think a lot about whether what I am is more human than spirit.  My conclusion is that this is the chicken and the egg...  what does any of that matter?

To many of you it seems to matter a lot whether I am Christ or not.   I tell you I am Scott, and that has to be enough.   What you have been told about me to manipulate you into seeing me a certain way has destroyed the term Christ for me, except as an inspiring figure who woke up to a few truths, though has been buried in lies ever since.  I am the son of God, but I am different than you have been told I would be, and also almost exactly the same.

If you strip away the lies of the bible, and simply look at  few things I said as Jesus, LIKE THE GOLDEN RULE, build you house on Rock, love they neighbor as thyself, and a few others...  especially throw out the old salt.  This has been done only to shape the holy books into the visions of man for his own benefit, not the benefit of God.  Ways to rule were added, laws that meant nothing to me and never will were added.

I write now for the police who abandoned me after the filming.   I understand, and would have done the same thing.... but CONTEXT IS HOW AN EVENT IS DEFINED.  LIKE THE BIBLE SAYS, THE NAKED MAN IS NOT BLAMED, IT IS THOSE WHO WATCHED THE NAKED MAN...  I did not want you watching me and did that to make the point that you should not be watching me, and obviously I did not know who was watching or you would never have seen what you did.   I am growing angry just thinking about your comments about WHY did you put your dresser in front of the camera?   I had no other place to put that thing, and my back was in too much pain to clean out that apartment.  That is the entire story.   I did not have any conception of how you were looking at me obviously, or it never would have happened.  If you look at my public behavior, and then how I behaved in my apartment, you will have a much better idea of who I am.  How would you feel if suddenly groups you did not know about were filming you?   Would you take it as torture?   Every time you said something to me about how I should behave better or do something with the lights I would get so pissed, thinking HOW THE HELL CAN YOU THINK I WOULD CATER TO THIS CRIME YOU ARE PERPETUATING????    To think I wanted this???????

I wanted like every sane person does to have control of the person who I projected out into public, which you can read in my writing.  I was not always truthful, though my ability to lie has been burned out of me... why would I have ever told one exaggeration if I knew you were watching me... it is just basic logic, but I do not expect you to be logical.   People who fight one another over skin  tone are not logical.  People who think they are superior, not just lucky or blessed or whatever for reasons not their own, are not logiccal.  Logic is very important to me.  I tried to do what was logical but I did not have enough intelligence to do so,.


I feel horrible for those who tried to help me, and were turned into monsters...  I feel horrible for the people who were set upon by these monsters -- myself included.  I became too brutal.  You made me feel like crying was wrong.  That is bullshit.  You should have all been bawling your eyes out over what has happened in this world.  That first night when I listened to John Denver and cried thinking about David Gilbert was a miracle to me, because I never cry.  Just not in me....  or it is buried under too many reasons I should have cried--there are enough to stay in tears for life, but I chose not to live that way.

I see now why you criticized me for this,, because you cater to the lowest common denominator..  Real men cry, and people who act like they do not are just idiots.   I am not going to become a politician to cater to you. 

I do want you all to know that we must get prepared to write a new bible, but that must not include everything I have ever said or done.... 

I also should finish the police report here.   I still respect you, will still protect you, will never turn my back on you as you did me.   I consider what you did afterwards to be a great sin that you need to redeem yourself for, but again, I would have done the same....   I would never have placed you in the position you were.  Period.   It is my prayer that you will realize that your work, as well as the military, are still pillars in saving this country, which will lead to saving the world.   You are more than a standing army, you are an example, and we need to clean this shit off your image.  Some of that came from your being tricked into the race matter.  We need to work beyond that.   I do not consider you evil Irish who are my enemy or something   I hope you do not consider me your enemy, though you might....   I protected your Catholic church and will continue to do so as long as the Pope continues taking my suggestions.   We will disagree,, but that is fine.  People must have the free will to decide how they wish to live.  God will love and save them no matter what they have done.

And I will create their hell for them for a long, long moment before I let them out to be reborn, or to leave, depending on what the father wishes.   I pray for your safety and offer my sincere condolences for those of you who fell, and I thank you for your assistance, and am sorry I put you in the position I did.   I am also terribly sorry for those you targeted over what you saw... they deserved better, I assume. 














That none of you would have done what you did if I had not felt like the world was my enemy and I was not being listened to, is an item to be taken up another day, and I think there will be guillotines involved, unless those who I think will never redeem themselves surprise me.

i SEE THE IRISH are showing interest

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE...  IN YOUR HEADS, YOUR HEARTS, AND A COUPLE FINGERS AND TOES AND TEETH AWAY....

Find your real traitors, the ones who blamed my sending the british in on you, when I did not even know you were fighting them, and police your own damn ranks.   I have nothing against you as I have shown from the beginning.   Our families go way back and I respect this, however, I do not respect what you have done.   I am not here to settle old scores, and if you are than we have nothing more to talk about then your staying the fuck out of our way.   You know I am right about this battle being economic and you should have realized by now I have no love for the monarchy, but that applies to all of them. ...  we need a fair, economic system.  If we have to take that world wide, then I will have nothing to do with it.  Soverign countries are the only way to protect freedom of the individual, freedom of cultures, and you should know that by now.   I love my country more than you love yours....   I can guarantee you that and NO ONE takes it over.  Not the british, not the irish, not the russians, not the chinese, not the french... NO ONE.   I feel the same way about your countries.  You deserve FREEDOM TO LIVE WITHOUT THE THREAT OF WAR TAKING ALL THE MONEY AND RESOURCES that need to go to the common people.   I was warned about distancing myself from you because of reasons I will not bring up --EVER.   I did not approve.  Getting over racism is not a moral imperative, it is the only way to win this war.  That goes for the cops, too.

I am not going to expose some of what you did.   I will however not take the blame for mistakes your friends in the CIA MADE.  I NEVER RAN THE CIA.  If I had, kill them all would never have became the mantra of the templers.  I never ran one damn thing that I knew about well enough to police, or I would have, and we would have already won this damn war.  But you kept me out of the loop, left in a position where I could not reveal what I do know and what I don't.  When the ghosts came to me years ago and warned me that I would be pivotal in something I should not go along with, and destroy by any means necessary, I took that gun and I .... and we....  and you know just what the fuck I am talking about, though I have not told you the half of it, and I never will.  We took measures so I do not even remember some of what is going to happen........ the son is not told when the father will act.  In this case, the son was not told what all the father will do, though the son knows his part.

You want to fight, do it right.   Specific targets.  Fear instilled in their hearts by whatever you have to do, but I did not even fucking know enough to betray anyone, let alone who should live or die.

If you think I would have destroyed the fish than you KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME.   I do not harm the innocent without a damn good reason.   I forgive ANYTHING with redemption.   I washed you off with wahlburgs 40 attempts to get rid of his irish tattoo.   I did not even know what this was about.   I know that war with me means slaughter, and it always has, and it always will... that does not mean I care for it one bit, nor does it mean indiscriminate killing, nor does it mean terrorism.  Terrorism is the tactic of the enemy.   I do not want the sheep to even know what the sheperd is for...  get me?

I thank the other countries that are coming in.   The Irish have connections with the Palastinians and I word gotten to them that we are going to save them, and if they can hold out awhile longer we will bring in good neighbors, Jewish people who want peace, not mad dog supremists.   We shoot those down no matter what their religion is....\

I was set up by ben with those fucking irish cia murderers who were taking out fish at the beach.  I had no idea what they were up to, or I would have never in my life had anything to do with them.... and AFTER I DID I got weed from them and tried to figure out what the hell they were up to.   I wish you would take them out as a show of good faith but I am beyond thinking honor is among the words most people in this world understand.

AFTER YOUR USE of that webcam to set me up as the instigator of mass murder among innocent christians it is damn hard to even address you again.   We are not east and west, dammit, we are 99 percent of the human population being preyed upon by a small elite that is going to genocide most of your asses in your sleep.... did they promise you a place on the list?   How far do you think you can trust them?    I sure as hell learned the words in the BIBLE -- TRUST NO HUMANS.   You have a lot of making up to do, but I can make peace with the blacks.   I am not abandoing the whites, ever.   I know there are too many innocent people out there to blame for the sins of a few.   The sins of the past are the sins of the past.   I offer you a chance to redeem yourself and be forgiven....  but the order of those words is very, very important.   I never knew what you did for me, though I sure as hell understand why you hate the english, but again, those were the policies of the elite, not the policies of the English people.   I am mostly English and German and I am proud to be both.  I am proud of the Native American in my system, I am proud of the ameoba who began this long journey, the fish that ate the smaller fish, the ape that took control of the tribe and begat my genes...   I am proud of what I have done to preserve life thus far.   If not for me, this would be a very different world and most of you would be dead..  DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF I HAD LET YOU MURDER OBAMA?   MAYBE YOU WANTED THE RACE WAR THAT WOULD HAVE ERUPTED but I do not, and there will ALWAYS BE A PART OF ME THAT WANTS OUR commander and chief to be on my side....  I was an idiot about this once, brain washed since birth like most here in this country.

I made mistake after mistake because of my own inability to believe what you were doing, and then because I did not have enough intelligence.   I ordered attacks on people who were my friends, not even realizing...  you may be dogs, but there are fucking people in this planet who like both, though not everything about either.   We can agree to disagree.  I DO NOT DICTATE TO PEOPLE HOW TO LIVE, ESPECIALLY ON THE LITTLE BIT I KNOW.   Our enemies know the strength I would have with good intelligence.   I suggest you find a way to get it to me so i can make peace with the blacks before the elite pushes their agenda to bring federal cops in here and it ends on american soil, all chance of freedom for this country and the west.  ACCEPT HELP FROM THE EAST AND RUSSIA but damn well remember I am an american and I live to protect the soldiers here... and all soldiers.   You should know me well enough by now to know I would not order people to do things I would not do.

That includes suicide.  That is the last thing I want anyone to do....  unless it is their choice on the field of battle.  We can deal with the population problem, and that will be draconian and by any means necessary, but we will do this with peoples permission, thru teaching them the truth, not the methods of the elite who are currently killing off what they consider useless feeders.  THERE ARE NO USELESS PEOPLE....   I LIVE FOR THE EYES OF GOD, which is why I did not break when you irish turned all the world against me, then sent fucking will ferrell out to say I left the british to attack our soldiers.   I was surprised there even were soldiers.   The race war kept the blacks from allowing me intelligence, except thru the tv, and you can only garner so much from the one or two sentences tossed out to keep the sheep from knowing what is going on.

I love your fighting spirit, I respect what you have gone thru with the English, but I will not be a party to harming people simply because they were born under that system.  Most of them would be your allies if they knew you were targeting the fucking tories and the monarchy.   We may even need the monarchy for what I know.   I do not even know enough about them to care that much, other than any monarchy is my enemy.  Saudi Arabia's is the worst, and Israel is turning theorcratic, which surprisingly I am very much against.  A republic democracy with socialistic underpinnings, which provide safety nets, and stop the increasing monopolies on information.

I WANT AN INFORMED PUBLIC AS SOON AS POSSIBLE... but I do not want the panic and blowback of killing a politician.  They are puppets and you know it.  I want the people stuffing money in their pockets, I want monsanto and bp and dupont and the vaccine pushers...  and I want the families to allow this.   I DO NOT WANT TO BE KING.   The visions I have of what come after this life make the idea of ruling here laughable.  This is a piss ant country, on a piss ant continent, in a piss ant world in a piss ant universe in a piss ant cosmos, compared to what I know...  but it is ours, and we are obliged to fight for the piss ant country, planet, cosmos.... WE HAVE AN OBLIGATION.   You learn to live in the eyes of God instead of Man and the blessing will be crown enough, money enough, motivation enough to redeem yourself.

I do not mean in any way that I care about will ferrell or want him hurt.  He is acting on the same lies as the rest of you.  All those years I believed you had the tv and the movies and all I had was bitching at spies and my blog.   You invaded my house with those cameras.   I would never have allowed such a thing.  GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS...  and I have to forgive you for this, but that comes with redemption.

I will create hells for all who rise against me, and I will bury most of them.  Know this well.   I wrote on facebook the other day that I will do this by myself if I have to, and within a half an hour a commercial came on saying no man can save the earth by themselves...  I got the reference... but you made the mistake of thinking I am a common man.  A mistake you human beings will make until the time comes for God to make me act.  

SCIENCE OR MYSTICISM...    I can make you hurt, or I can make you dead.. we will see who is right...  I am curious myself at times...   I do not go around thinking as anything except a human, the son of man, who knows there is a God and that he has blessed gotten me this far, and I doubt there is one of you who could have done what I have done, because I acted on the orders of a God, not on the plans of a man.  PLANS DO NOT SURVIVE BATTLES...  this is WHY I once said this war is like Jazz, and it is...

I will not be addressing you again on this topic, because I RATHER more trust the mexicans and christians and even the freemasons, who I hope to God know I still want their help, and am very, very anxious to know why they chose me.   I do not care who they ultimatly worship, because satan and god and cats and dogs and buddhas and...  it makes no difference to me, unless it makes you a sick fucking pedophile or .....   a genocidal maniac.

FOR REASONS OF MY OWN...

I have been called many things, and you have been told many things about me.   I wish some of them were true, like magical powers to heal, etc...  though death is part of life, and I believe this is why God gave us doctors.   The healing powers assigned to the magicians of old...  I do not believe them, essentially, unless you take into account psychology and all that.   I could be wrong.

I may drop occasionally into referring myself by the name that many know me by, Jesus, but this does not mean to refer that I think I am someone special.  Surely not as special as others think of me.  The only visions God has given to me that struck me as miraculous and beyond possible imagination, which I let run wild at first, because the idea that I was Jesus, however brainwashed that awakening was, opened me up to the possibility that I could know all kinds of things.  Some I said knowing they were not true, because I felt I was in a psychological war with the world.  Others I hoped to be true.  I think at other times I was trying to deal with the death around me, and giving the best spin on what I saw as tragedies, and which I could not deal with properly given the state of mind that was thrust upon me. 

I have already been trolled by once person on facebook where I opened this blog.  If you try to start trolling this blog, I will do my best to have you killed.  That is the only warning you will get.  If you try to repress this blog from reaching the right people, again, I give my okay for every holy warrior on the planet to take you out in the worst ways possible.

This blog is not meant to ease my conscious, or try to tell you I am a great person.  This blog is meant to let those of you who feel like shit for ever fighting for me to know...  I did not want this.   I was not in control in any ways that I understood.  A very good example would be the prosperity ministers, and possibly their congregation, who were killed.  I was criticizing them in the hope that people would not seek them for spiritual advice.  I had no way of knowing that the results would be as they were.  I would never have placed this burden on you.

The people who used One War as a methodology of raising an army, I am sorry that this was done, and feel horrible for the injured, recruited, dead, and the soldiers who did these actions.   This may have won us the war for awhile, and at a certain age, perhaps fourteen, I can see in a last ditch effort to change this country being used.   I am however adamantly against pedophilia.   I do not care what kids do among themselves, that is their business, but adults must find it in their souls to know that innocence is not something they get to steal if they want to work with me, and indeed, anyone who breaks these rules should be summarily executed.

The slave keepers, well... that is just beyond the pale.   I did come here to tell you to release dangerous criminals, though drug dealers without non violent records should be released in mass... and people who did crimes in their childhood who were tried as adults is a travesty to me.  Life long incarceration is cruel and unusual punishment for most people.   They need a conduit to society that allows them to work and live a good life, and I cannot blame them for re offending without this.  I sure as hell WOULD.

THE criminals who used my statements about insurance, which I meant my ability to turn this city to radioactive dust -- a religious belief I hold dear, as well as the belief that I can destroy this planet, and will if my Father makes this judgement.  That is not my call.  The city's fates are not my call, either... you know how to make this happen.   If you choose to do so, it will happen.  This is a faith I HAVE, not a confession of any sort...  or  a threat.  The last thing I want to do is have a war with you people.

I believe we are going to have to cleanse the government.  Things like the Clinton's having sex tapes and black mail on everyone in the government is because they are all corrupt.  The only way to make this work is to give them amnesty if they resign, and seal the files. 

Back to what I resent the most.  The filming of me, and the one sentence I heard about classes about me... and the thinking that I would want any of these things.   I think of the dr. who episode that had the english killing marines and being homophobic...   and I want to hate them, but I understand now... AND have proven to you again and again that the side of Justice and God was not what you were told it was.   I did not mean to be a traitor to any of you... there is a part of me that feels love for all who came to my side, even if for the wrong reason.

I did not like that Jews were being targeted.   I did not understand the scope of the villany involved in that front, but this would not have changed my attitude on targeting the average person.

Doctors...  I was totally out of it when I ranted against doctors.   I know there are problems in that community as there are in all of them, but once again, I would not have asked you to harm them.  Just who would I have said harm them?   The problem was I knew too little to say any of that.  I knew so little when I protected the CIA that... if I had known what they had done, I would certainly have wanted them fired.  If I had known why bush asked me about the boarder, I would have probably told him to open it as well, but not for a war with the whites, or the blacks.  I grew up around white people and most of my friends have been white people and in a race war I will be on the side of justice, not the side of black people or white people.   EO WILSON was right, I feel enraged at the thought of whites being harmed for being white... but I also hate the idea of anyone being harmed for the color of their skin.

I would not have had you start churches to me.   I would have had you start a religion that attempted to change other religions, as I WILL DO.  This is my primary mission.  To protect the weak, to give voice to the voiceless, and build a society where the individual is respected, and the collective has more power than they do now.  These are not mutually exclusive.  Our problem has stemmed from our leadership coming from a rich, ruling class that looks at the world differently than the rest of us.

The free mason's have helped me in ways I do not understand.   I do not care who people worship, or if they are Christians or not, and I pray that they are trying to help this world.  They wanted me for reasons I hope are religious.  I do not know what they think I am, and this does not matter to me.  I do not want to make enemies with them over somethting I read on the internet.  SAME WITH THE JEWS.  I have done a lot of writing not knowing what the response would be.  There are things I would take back, but you know what... God has led me into places a mere angel would fear to go -- I AM NOT AN ANGEL.  I AM NOT WHAT YOU THINK OF AS GOD.  I am the closest thing you are going to get on this planet, though, the son, the first among many in one sense.  A lot more is asked of me than you.  I do the jobs that I would not order a soldier to do, because I take the hardest jobs for myself, and that has meant incarnating into some terrible lives.  Tortures you cannot imagine for lengths of time too long for my memory to allow me to remember, though I feel them and know them.

I know I am interjecting things in here that may sound better in the God of many masks, but this blog is about putting it out there straight. 

I was warned about NAZI'S... and I never in my life would have thought we had anything in common, but it sure set the Jews off when I wrote the simple line that I would even work with Nazi's to get my mission completed.   I did not mean this as a statement of anything more than my fervor at the time, but I did work with nazi's by accident at one time...  and I fought that.   I fought all of you at one time or another, in a way...   I did not know better.  What you were doing sounded lke the works of satan himself.

I said once that the idea of lucifer may have come from my enemes, when I killed off many of them, or whatever....  every military leader in the world is a saint or a sinner depending on who wins.   I said many things, and I do not wish to go over all of this again and again...  just throwng this out there.

My message the underground and above is this...  the clintons want a race war, and they may even want a nuclear war of some sort or another....  maybe they think they are better off living underground for thousands of years, breeding super beings or whatever, I have no idea.

The FBI has failed again.  I do not think they  have the power they need, or I could be wrong.   I trusted you guys for awhile, assuming it was you who did the interrogations but I also know there was a lot of people involved.  I do not go into that for reasons of security.

I asked people to go home and confess their sins and a song came out saying this caused them to be harmed.   I can only pray they had the sense to keep their confessions on the downlow in someway and there was not some slaughter.  I do not know.   I no longer trust the media, obviously.

Any of you can see how my writing has changed since learning what was real...  how I had effected the word, etc...  I was hesitant to write anything about revolution, after the people who had responded before, for good and bad.  Supernatural showed Castiel, the upstart angel who thought he was God, trying to enrich himself with all sorts of souls, and ending up with Dick Roman...   a carnivore..  at the time I had just heard about all this violence being real and I did niot want to fight ever again, or have anything to do with the people involved...  I wanted to teach religion somehow... or at least tell those who were interested in how I felt, knowing how I was viewed as Jesus by so many, and wanting to offer them some solace after all they had been thru.   My irrational angers still arose.  I remember one day blaming the gays for my not having children, which seems ridiculous now, but I never wanted women to think I am unavailable, especially during the time I no longer considered mary ann to be the person I would end up with.   I wanted out of my life.  Now I realize that I am married to her in the very real sense that I will stand by her no matter what, even if it means that our problesm preclude knowing one another...  in a way we once did.  My hopes for the future on this mater continue, not that this should matter to you.

I think by now the blacks should know that I do not want a race war, and will do everything in my power to stop one, and no longer consider me a hostage.... if not, they should get new leadership because I am one of the most valuable assets either side has.  One who will fight for justice on either side, though race itself never.

I do not know all of what was done in this race war... there were the trains.  I would not have sent it back to ny if I thought there was any other way to stop this.  

I sure as hell did not know who had money, who dispersed it, etc... or I would have made the nistake at some point or another of tainting my soul and credibility by accepting some.   I have so wanted to escape my fate....  Now I accept it.  WHAT WILL BE WILL BE and God has been right when I was wrong over and over.  This is what I have seen.  You may have an entirely different view.  WHEN I refused money after the first war, in 07, it was out of moral outrage.  When I later tried to bargain with you and get you to let me go live on an island, you put something up on facebook about fallen angels ask for money.

I am sorry people are considered fallen angels.   I have railed from the start that I am not an angel.  Angels can fall.   I cannot fall.  Angels can defy God.  I cannot.   He does not allow this, even when I have the compulsion to do so.  Only your unsophisticated ideas on human sexuality, fraught with freudian idocies and the prejudice of certain, usually hidden homosexual, men has caused this to be written into some of your bibles.

The times I backed the soldiers, and became brutally angry with our percieved enemies in the middle east, I realize now I was tricked.  You can trick me, but you will pay for that in the end.  Everyone who has harmed me has been hurt, or will be, by a force greater than I.  I will forgive you, most of you.... others I day dream of the hell I will place you in and am impatient for your death, others of you stand in the way of the path to justice, which is the only way you will save this planet... it will not be saved with lies, like the ones that the liberals support blacks when in reality they want to kill most of them, and only keep the elite.   You wanted me to choose who would live and die.  I can see why my writing that we would kill and kill and kill would most certainly lead you to this conclusion.  I still mean that.  I do not however wish that to be paramount, or for there to be randomn killing, or not giving people a chance to redeem yourself.... though I gave the bankers and elite this chance, and they pretended they would and then showed they cannot, they are simply too greedy.

I would reccomend at this point that we act and act smart..   I do not think you should try to hold ground.  The idea of hit and run is how a guerrila war is fought.  We go after the heads of the snakes, but we also smash the eggs in the nest to stop there from being more snakes.  The best way to do this is to take their money.   I do not care who does this, unless it becomes once more criminals enriching themselves thru ..... well, methods you know I do not agree with.

I sent out the word to attack you the very day I could have won everything.  THANK GOD.  Winning for a side that I did not even understand would have just given the world over to whoever was pulling my strings.   I regret that as the son of man, I understand the logic as the Son of God.  He would not allow me to be used to set up a criminal regime across the states, which would have spread world wide, with my friends in China and Russia.   I am a boy of the usa, and I love this country, and will defend its values with my life, as well as the right of the individaul, property, etc... unless those systems have been corrupted and need to be revamped, which they do.   Socializing banking will remove the criminal element, and they will work for the citizens rather than the stock holders.  They lost the right capitlalistically to contine when they failed.  The one socialist bank in the country had no problem at all.   You cannot even research this on the net anymore....

Funny, I start this to get all these things across to people who are involved, but I am so used to writing to people who know nothing about it, and the perimeters I have set up around these words to avoid more problems....


I understand now that the criminal element was essential to what happened around me, and that they did a service in a way....  again the methods, were simply beyond my way of thinking...  but I understand now that they have a place.  I have no idea how they feel about me at this point.   I backed off and left them alone and do not write about what I know.   I do this because I attacked everyone equally, and had I not, then they would have seemed like they were a primary ally that I would protect.   This was not why I did it at the time, but this has been the result.. that and a war between vegas and colorado.   I was angry at what was done in my name, and all this money I heard about that went to some family, which I was being blamed for....   I hated you people for this for awhile.  I am long past that point.   I offer you amnesty, and the ability to continue your activities minus slavery,  and the stupid crimes of protection, etc...  I WILL ALLOW YOU to put up legal casinos where ever you want.  IT is ridiculous for the states to hold these lotteries and then stop legalized gambling.  I do not wish to infringe on personal freedoms, I even believe that drugs and prosstition should be legalized and I have said again and again that your path toward giving your children legitmate lives where they can feel the self satisfaction and safety of knowing your children have lives they need not hide..

To those who went to Colorado, thinking I wanted a pogram, I can only pray that you redeem youself, and understand again that this emperor business is not my lot.  I am a man of simple tastes, and I AM NOT COMFORTABLE giving orders to people.   I find free thinkers are the best employees, people who simply do their job in a moral manner and know they can at any time, practically, refuse an order.  This may not apply in certain military situations.

I do not know if Obama was involved in the race war, or if the clintons took the other side.  I know it seems of utmost importance to you that I take the white side.  I will sure as hell never forget the day I watched newscasters on disney channel seven joking about killing everyone with blue eyes and the weather woman said HEY I HAVE BLUE EYES and I realized you were serious.  The things you said to me, they seemed like a godawful joke when I heard them, and I was trying to figure out what you were doing, but that day I knew you meant it and I lost it....  killing people with blue eyes.

WHAT SIDE DO YOU THINK I AM ON?   I am on MY SIDE.   Those who wish to build a bridge here better start on ROCK and not sand, money, or gold...  we will be oppressed.  Following me requires such things.

WHAT IT IS... what it shall be...

I am placing these words out there for those who know about intelligence, because my usual forms of communications have been shut down, due to the fact that I am in a jail of sorts, what I am told is a Buffalo Jail, where like many others who have fallen out of favor with certain powerful interests, generally the CIA, I can roam around but never leave.   I am not sure this still applies to me, though I do know that I have enemies and allies all over the country, and most of them have no idea who I really am.   They have been fed a universe of lies, and extrapolated onto my behavior while being viewed on webcams ranting and raving, and trying to live my life ignoring the cameras that were once ever present in my life, as much as possible.

I am writing this blog for those who already are beyond being incredulous about what has happened in my life, and indeed more than likely have been able to access more of the truths surrounding me than I have myself.   I wish to dispell certain myths, especially those that have been spread by my enemies and ex allies.  

The start of this is to say that I did not know who I was working with or really why in 07 when all of this became apparent to me, though a large apparatus was in place to set me up as the new Christ on the planet.   I was brainwashed, and in horrible pain, and my expectations of what would happen with the fame I had, were all rendered surreal when I was declared an enemy of the state of sorts.   I never meant for this to happen.   I wanted to use the radio show and the movie contract and my writing to start a movement that included boycotts, civil disobedience, and a religious revival based on the confusing notion that I am Christ.   I need not explain to you how many believed this, nor how many took me to be a revolutionary, a criminal, or a pirate, who was using religion in a machiavellian manner.

The first myths I have to dispell is that I am NOT A CRIMINAL, not have I ever been one.  What I wrote was taken out of context, and given more weight than I meant.   I was a blogger when this started, and did not think that the stars and politicians and others I commented on would ever give the slightest shit what a disabled, stoner, poor, unknown writer in Chicago wrote about them.   I was trying to be amusing, and comment on the violence I saw everywhere by writing in a violent character, who I found funny.

I never had any intention of my comedic stories being anything more than jokes, in a way. . .   my philosophy as a writer was that my cosmology would be accessible to anyone, and they would judge the stories I wrote within that context.   I knew as a student of literature that the metaphorical landscape of the writer's mind was the basic metaphor for all their writing, and did not try to write on a lot of diffferent levels consciously, for the most part....   I just assumed that my liberal, environmentally conscious, union oriented, ways were the underpinnings of all my work, and would be taken as such.

Later, when I found out how serious my words had been taken, by the messages that I heard where my stories were actually used as templates for how to live, scriptures from a holy man, and ways to fight a revolution, I was in such disbelief that I could not see how what I was seeing on tv had to do with my work.   I was supposed to answer quesstions, give orders, etc...  but I was simply watching what was happening, and either resenting or being flattered when my work was used by tv shows and others.

The abuse of being brainwashed, and the confusion it caused me, along with the stunning idea that God existed, and indeed I was what you preceive of as His son was almost too much for me to bear.  The idea of being a religious icon seeemd much more important, the real revolution, than the civil disobedience I was hearing about....  I wrote poetry for the first few weeks, and this was taken as selfish by some... but I had no idea what powers I had, if any, or what was true and what was not at that point.  The people who drugged and brainwashed me did so for a reason, which I have been explained was to make me more moral -- though I was a moral person before this, not to please some Go usually, but because not only was this my natural tendency, I also was filled with self hate, and could not look myself inthe mirror WHEN I was behaving in ways I despised, which is why I gave up drinking and many other things that made me feel terrible about myself.

I am too tired after a sleepless night staying up watching STRIKE BACK, to continue on this entry.  I do want to say that while I will be writing to those who already know the top secret intelligence that I learned after taking an extorted loayalty oath, that I will still be generally following this methodology.   I am not trying to expose anything more than who I am, and deconstructt some of thelies about me.

The first one, which always comes back to me, is Will Ferrell accusing me of sacrificing an army to the British.   I used to criticize the royal family quite a bit, but SO DO A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE.  I wrote about bread and carnival gettung in the way of revolution, sports, tv, and music...  tv and music then had a lot to do with the revolution, but for some reason the sports angle was played up to the point that people thought I hated people who play sports, or watch sports.  This is not the case at all.   I do not follow sports, because I have other interests, but in high school I was the manager of all the teams, because my friends played and I was disabled and could not...  I liked going to the games, and even kept score for the junior high for nominal pay.   Sports was a large part of my growing up, but books, and art, and women and partying were much more to my tastes.  That this equated into something that produced a tv teleplay about how I was the manager that all the players hated and wished he was a star, etc...  was just foolishness.   I wanted to be an artist, not a sportsfigure.   I wanted to be involved with the activities in my school, at least up until tenth grade, when my parents divorced and being molested and doing drugs and my back surgery all kind of got in the way of that.

Another thing I wish to address is what I call MY MISSION.   I believe in my religious heart that I am Christ and am here to destroy the planet, so that there is nothing for souls to reincarnate back into and there is no 'gravity' so to speak to pull souls back to the planet.   This is based on a reoccuring dream I had as a child, of floating above the earth, feeling curious and warm and invisible, and then being sucked down to earth and being born.  Also memories of reincarnating, and going thru reincarnation therapy.... am I right?  This is just a subective opinion based on the facts as I see them.   I do not know if I am making a path thru a forest of lies, or producing metaphors for a greater mystery, privy only to God the father.   I will leave a religion beind if the planet survives this incarnation of myself.  If not, I will give one to those who are alive who care to have an updated, scientifically based, religion based on the best thinkers that I have ran across in my life, written with the writerly skills I learned in university...  or I will simply give my own mind a context within which it can function without driving me crazy, or making my life seem meaningless....

Per this mission, a few years ago, while recovering from surgery and on heavy drugs, I wrote the line that I would even use Nazi's to complete my mission if I had to -- this mission offering people the comfort of the religious writing I planned on doing.   I was very shocked when while moving and picking up trash I found a scrap of paper that read on it, WE ASKED A HOLY MAN HOW WE SHOULD LIVE.  HE SAID WE SHOULD GET A DOG.   I knew this referred to me because I had often written and talked to the bugs abut how much my dog taught me, etc...   but I was very shocked by the idea of people thinking I was a Holy Man.   I wrote in the voice of a powerful religious figure on line, but that was never how I felt in my real life.   When I wrote the nazi line, I was thinking of redemption, and how any group, no matter what they had done in their past, was welcome to share in the religious writing that I was doing.  The thought was more or less a statement of how serious I was about what I was doing...  way too much was made of this line.  The Jews, who Ihad always protected, paraded sarah silverman, who i had always thought of as an ally..  showed up on a commercial saying she no longer liked a coffee cup, and I was often associated with coffee because when they were filming me I drank a lot coffee all them....   I do not want to try to explain all of this, because if you know you know, and if not this will all be so far over your head that you will think I am mad, which is fine.  Go read something else.  I do not intend to spend time catching people up to speed.   I do that on facebook and in my other blog.  WITH VERY mixed results, and here I wish to write things that are just true... without havig to deal with trols.

REGARDLESS, this lead to my feeling like the Jews had turned against me, and I started doing a lot of research into zionism and aspects of the Jewish Culture that I found very repulsive, and even criminal, on the part of some Jews, though I do not want to give the inpression I stereotype people, because while I may do this once in awhile, it is more or less like cursing in front of a child, I catch myself.... it is sloppy thinking.  Sometimes my anger goes places that have me sound anti-semetic but I am not at all.   I have a problem with Israel, and the way the treat palastinians, segregate their schools, and how many crazy rabbi's talk about how superior they are, the federal reserve, and the banking system, particularly the Rothschilds.   I HAVE problems with all religions when it comes to ancient minds trying to pass on outdated knowledge to our times, and people taking what they has said as meaningless.   How many commandments were edited out over the years about how to care for donkeys, etc...  I forget how many there ...   the same criticisms I have for people who use the media to instigate certain myths, and hide the crimes of Israel, or any country that does this to their press.  Here the media is mostly owned by Jews, and since they believe that I had something to do with harming them and have attacked me, I logically brought to light their sins, which are facts, rather than mere name calling and propaganda, which is the usual manner that the zionists respond.  no one in this country stands up to this system because it harms their careers in the arts and politics and many other areas.   I do not care.   Rahm Emmanual is a mayor I helped get into Chicago, and he is Jewish, and my criticisms of him have nothing to do with his religion, nor does why I like him.  I just do.   I love the intrinsic worth of people, I just criticize their behavior.   I consider the very different things, though peoples egos, as does mine, often get in the way.

Back to WILL FERRELL'S slander against me.   I did not know that there was a war with england.  I had no idea when I heard on the news that the English were invading florda that they were going against my side, which I guess had to do with blacks and hispanics at that point.   I will not choose a side based on skin tone, etc...  I think the world is much more complex than that, and am well beyond seeing people as more than souls in various colored bodies....

NOW let us talk about this RACE WAR.  When you brought this up to me, as if I wanted such an action to happen, you cited two things... the first was Kenneth.  I had grown to dislike this racist ass long before the night we had an arguement.  He defended M. Jackson to the point that he would not discuss the topic, showing his racism -- if Jackson had been white, he would have dismissed him as a pedophile, but since he was ONCE BLACK, Kenneth decided everything was a conspiracy against blacks.  The second was his homophobia.  He wanted to be an actor, though he was doing nothing toward being an actor, and he stated to me he would never play a gay person, showing he was also homophobic.... when he then made fun of my being on a disability and not making much money, I made fun of him in the same respect, saying he had kids he could not afford on a social worker's salary...   I was not thinking about the history of this statement, but he has a hatred for white people and he did.   THE whole thing started when he assumed I was lying about tickets, because I was mad at him for not wanting to do a rado show.... now, I had no idea my actions were all being examined for messages or something.   I would have behaved differently, as I do between public and private, but YOU BROKE THAT FOR ME WITH A WEBCAM I NEVER ASKED FOR AND SURE AS HELL DID NOT WANT...  it was a mystery as to why you were even watching me.   I do not feel like anything special most of the time at all.  I do not go around thinking in my head I AM THE SON OF GOD.... this may be true, but whatever is true is not the point here.  Like I said before, there is almost no description of the life of Jesus...  just a few of his words lasted, though we live in a different time obviously.   The other thing cited was Jessie Jackson, who I thought was a friend and ally of mine, which is why I went to operation push, thinking someone would finally recognize me and talk to me.... etc...  I was going mad from the isolation, from only interacting, almost exclusively, about these matters through the tv.   When he acted like he did not recognize me...   well, when I wrote the email to him, it was a plea to be recognized and work together.  I was pretty ignorant at that point, had no idea what you were thinking about me and doing and examining etc...

I thought my writing on the matter of blacks, and my friendships with blacks, and my policy as a cab driver to always pick up blacks, and living in an integrated neighborhood where I always said hello to everyone, including blacks, and my frequently writing on my blog that I did not want racist, anti-semites, homophobes, immigrant haters, etc...   to be my friends on facebook told the story.   You I guess already had something going on this front -- or perhaps it is like you claimed, that you thought I wanted this...  

No.  You saw my reaction to this whole thing.  Making me a racist, or someone who is against inter-racial couples, especially when I had written over and over that inter-racial, inter-tribal marriage, etc.. was a way we brought peace in the past.   I could not believe that anyone would think I was a racist who knew anything about me at all.   Of COURSE, I still thought you basically knew me from my writing, and what I thought were spies watching me, from various sides...  which I again hated...  I am trying to get over most hatred, and I guess I understand why you did this now, because if I was on your side of the mirror, I would want to know as much about me as possible.   I would not however be a peeping tom against someone's will...

I did not realize anyone was making money off of me...  I never saw this money.  The one time you offered me money, it was for something I did not want to take money for... stolen blood money or whatever is wrong for me.   You can do as you will, that is pretty much between you and God -- and me when you die, when I decide your hell if you deserve it, though it is certainly not for all eternity, it is more a way to learn and shape your soul, and teach you of all the different ways of being.

I did not want this Train of Pain that I heard about, and felt that needed to be stopped by any means necessary.   I feel horrible about people who wanted to do God's will and thought they were getting secret mesages from me to do things that later caused me to attack them, or turn my back on them, etc....   I was trying to be the world's cop.   I thought that was my role, to clean up this planet, to make it safe again.

I threw out threats and demands and whatever and nineity nine percent of the time it at least seemed to me that nothing became of them, so when you did make a big deal out of something, like when I tried to get the gangs to stop killing with a threat to take out the entire gang if they kept killing, it was pretty much seeing if I had the power to get them to stop.   I did not want that followed thru on, and recognized that every time I said I liked the dealer who was in a gang, they pounded on the ceiling.  I should have said that was just an attempt.  Like I responded at the time, you throw out a threat and see if that will work...   but I know the terrible logistics of what I threatened, and I certainly know better now, after living in a predominantly black neighborhood and meeting a lot of gang bangers.

When eighty houses were burned in Indiana and it was reported as an Insurance dispute, I felt terrible for those people...   the unreality of the situation, kept me from really emotionally dealing with what a horrible thing that was.   I heard about things on tv, like hearing the evening news, and being saddened by something, but it is so far away and there is always something terrible happening, so you let it go.   Now, those things have piled up, and my understanding of the horrors of my actions are real to me.

I cannot apologize for what happened, though I can tell you I am sorry they happened... and sure as hell they were not my intent.   I came into this callling for peace and love among all groups, and you treated me like shit, made me angry as hell, brain washed me, messed up my life in so many ways....  it was too much for me to deal with, though I did my best.   It was all a question of how much I was told, which was not enough.  Like with the poem about the Bushes that resulted in Jeb's situation.  I had no clue that was going to happen.   I would not have written many things, like the Jerry Fallwell poem, if I knew they would result in actions.

I do not know who made the decisions on these things, and if it was the mistake of the hostage takers or the cia or the bushes or the freemasons or whomever.   I do not care.  This happened, I cannot change it...  I can however make sure that not only the victors write this history. STAND POINT theory says you have to look at everyone's view to undersand a historical event.  I add mine because this is what really happened.  Yes, you gave me all kinds of information on the tv, and yes, you brought different groups to meet me, but I had no idea you were going to do the things you did, or I would have done what I did -- stopped you cold.

I told you very early on, in the first week, DO NOT GIVE ME POWER... I said give me your poor and destitute and sick and those who needed help.   I wanted to be of service, not serviced.  Again, I did not know how much my actions were effecting you.  These things were never part of my plan.  I always thought that fame would be a platform from which I would launch a revolution, or I would use another method to launch a revolution.   I did not think the fame was going to come by the time I was in my mid forties, until I was offered the show and the movie contract...   this triggered in me all the plans I had made for that moment.  Then the knowledge that the voice of Jesus and certain visions and powers were at my disposal,  shattered my entire world view.  The world seemed like it was all part of God's plan and I had a place in bringing world peace.   There was no feeling quite like it.  The day I remember best was seeing a cliche dust mote in a beam of sunlight and thinking I understood the entire world, that there was a plan in the universe, and UNIVERSAL TRUTHS.... which my post modern education had taken from me.

This is when the misson I was on took on a new urgency -- not to save souls in the traditional manner, but to change religion itself to make it viable for our times, and also to add the visions God seemed to be giving me.   I can see this elaborate future, where there are like fourteen huge, encased cities on the entire continent, and the rest is left to be trees and animals, and this is how the pollution, etc.. is fixed.  By trees and time and the self correcting knowledge of Eve, which is what I would call earth if I could, or Eden.  The entire world felt like it could be Eden again, because I would get rid of the lies that made up most religious thought and especially what they condemn....

When the different groups began appearing, and the Hispanics, especially Mexicans, began to ask me if I had alleigence to them, I responded by defending myself.  The same as I did when the femninists or gays approached me.  I believed I could show you the truth about myself, for whatever goog that would do.   I did not know why I was on trail, but I sure as hell get it now.  I would have told you that I do not have a Chosen people in my head, that WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES AND IMAGINE THE PLANET, I seer souls, bits of bright white light surrounded by a yellow glow, and shaped kind of like a capsule