Macauley Caulkin... saw the evil on your face in the end of the clip..

I have gotten along with actors, and I have met the most screwed up, vindictive, weirdo's in that field, as well. Normal folk exist but they avoid the tabloids, not court them. I do not want this message to be taken as a stereotype of all people, more exceptions than rules on this one I believe. The problem was accepting evil to benefit for yourself. 

 You hid your Weinstein's and CHILD MOLESTER'S (NOT Q TALK, the real ones not this made up fraternity, which I just plain doubt highly -- when one of them is busted for this they are tossed out of the industry). Epstein's were hidden by spies and politicians and black mail... Last night home alone boy, who I think is a pretty good actor but three out of ten people could probably say the same -- it ain't brain surgery, folks, it is made to be illusion. 

 Regardless, the cat farting rainbows.  This appeared, with a theme song which happens to be my favorite song and I had written about it that day in a joke with a friend... my wife tapes this talks show.... anyways, he is the guest, and all the while kneels beside a cat farting rainbows, which looks exactly like my fat white and gray cat, blowing this big fart, that in the end becomes rainbows.   Normally the guest would comment, or the host, but all that was said was, Nice Cat...  as the clip ended the camera lingered on home alone boys face just long enough to show him looking evil, and smirkish.   

 I have been communicating about in other mediums than the net.   

   In my mind this went to what I have made clear of late. A surprise I was saving for a last resort, kinda flee from Chicago and then let the havoc  be elsewhere. Insurance. Some knew how to contact me in ways I did not divulge, at first because I did not understand. So much became clear with context... told you the story of the man who had to shoot five men, to prove he had the balls to kill many, even friends, if some vaguely terrible thing they predicted came true. Like everyone it seems, they did not trust putting intelligence in my head, and they would have gotten it out, I am sure. 

 Had they known to look.... never send people looking in the right places, unless you want them to waste their time forever in the catacombs under Cities, in Dumbs, etc... so if you think you have to insure the Witting -- who would get this message and that I saw it.... etc....the cat is blowing rainbows out his ass, great.  Glad your kind stood up and took notice of being on notice. What you believe does not matter one iota compared to a fact. I believe in Physics, the bit I know... a force in motion is only stopped by equal or greater force and The Seals thought I needed greater force. 

 I salute their souls and pray they did not reincarnate back in for the last few years, though warriors will... I do not look down on those who do not. Anymore than I look down on pacifists, those who will be/have been driven mad. Or my enemy. I find you mistaken so it is hard to be angry over that... had I been in your shoes I would have died fighting me, or killed me more than likely. I have written such things many times. I am tired of repeating myself. There are many things I have reacted to with anger or revulsion that I wish I had been less reactionary toward. 

 The Poker Face. Is not merely hiding ignorance anymore. I can tell by your quick reaction to my statement that you know it is true. Got to make sure your cult think it is a lie, get a job at me if you can, but I know you better in some ways than you know yourselves. I get it wrong a lot, but... right enough. The look of evil on your face, home alone, told me you were not forced to play all nice with this image behind you, not explained of course, because that is how the game is played, so the Unwitting do not notice a message has been given. K I have not reacted except with anger at the people I wanted to work with, williamstreet.

 For awhile we did and then this The Emperor Wants Colorado became a rallying point, which led only by... I do not know, they devolved as a fighting force, and their morals were pushed to the breaking point, by taking orders no one should give, let alone carry out. I do not blame people who are in cults, especially this elaborate matter, but I do not want to be followed by drones. If a free people do not take my ideas, examine them, and find a place for them in their own morality... great. I repeat a lot of great minds the young have to discover each generation, or they will be lost, because of my studies, and I do not always try to footnote them, but that footnote and many more exist in my mind. The scam of adding footnotes to try to prove something was pointed out to me as possibly using fiction to prove fiction with a famous name, trying to add their prestige to the point. Feminist philosophy. Let it rule, let it rule... in the name of Justice and team FREE WILL. Seth Green I imagine hates me, leading to Home ALONE boy to think he can be a part of the spy game, because the CIA encourages this, and though I have offered them an olive leaf, or at least to some... others I have only contempt and know they have deadly content, which physics alone offers the answer. 

 Not conspiracies, or political parties set up to provide a corporate safety net while robbing the citizens -- some the repub's worse than ever, and under tRump the worst. That many have in their minds years of my working with such people is nothing I can change. I am not going to do more than mourn your hurt feelings. The world has to change, and I am not the one who set one up that only violence and the threat of violence works in. To this end it was suggested I had to live though not lose my advantage, and offer a surprise when I announced what was coming and pulled off a miracle, bringing down Babel or some such place where the evil has saturated the human geography. The small town folk easily fooled and hopefully eventually schooled by the right wing are not all bad people all the time, but they have a room of hate, intentionally inserted by the CIA's media manipulation to make the USA war-like again, after Vietnam showed the follow of war to all. 

 They stopped the hippies with drugs and people like dylan and bowie and the others. Listen to woody guthrie and hear the sea-change from american music to sounding English, then check out the Tavistock Institute, where it is said rock was designed, etc. To what extent this was then true I do not know but it sure is now. I started a revolution and sent out message that were too far before their time, when my ignorance was so great I worked with people who were doing things I could not believe... and I felt like I had no control, then I would lash out and see if it mattered. I expected back then things would be simple, the workers would recognize the system needed to be changed, and the current system was not only not doing this, but killing citizens methodically. This was too much. I will forever see the evil smirk on mcaulkins face. 

 He like all passing stars will mean nothing in the end; memories of a movie from when he was a kid. FAME WHORES hate that. I wanted regular old fame to donate money and do all these things, but... I was chosen or destined to be in the position I am, and was. I like the idea that you are telling people I am blowing rainbows out of my ass. I would prefer no one panic or know when or where, perhaps... just poof. I use magic and cities disappear. Are they all in the US? Are they anyplace I would mention, liberal cities... not my enemies. We took the white house for awhile. God only knows what they hid in those catacombs. Just saying. I do not enjoy this. I do not want to ever be the purveyor of your destruction, I laid out win win win win and if you are too vindictive for that, then you are fools. VINDICTIVENESS against a character I played hardly translates into anything I give a damn about. A character of a Jesus who did not know his mission, trusted that those around him shared the values of his writing, not the rantings to spies and others. 

 I would get so angry at people asking me questions that I responded rudely. I regret this, not my way, except when I feel threatened, and all I want is a fight, something, anything, real to happen.... the tv was another world, same with the radio. The odd groups who would show up, etc... and yet NO ONE came to me.   Except a spy, who gave me hints into what happened, but was close mouthed.  Told what to say and not.  I still learned a lot from him and though he was very hard to take as a person, a true killer, sociopathic -- would steal from you obviously, as he did with a twenty I had sitting out on a table when he came in, prepared to go shopping.  It could have went nowhere except into his pocket, yet he would deny that with a made up hurt in his eye, put the blame on her.

Better than worthless....  never enough to do anything with the intelligence until later.

This made me think I had friends and enemies. I did not want any enemies, which is why I forgave everyone. I mistakenly targeted people with words thinking they held no actions beyond them. I still feel that simple way when I am at rest, though this is not often. I am battered by emotions, mostly empathy, mourning, and this motivates me to go on and on and on... to begin what I pray will not be the endgame, but the beginning.

 I do not want to harm anyone, let alone innocent people. That does not mean I won't. That means I will do everything in my power to make sure that my targets are strategically important for... other matters. I want to be prepared. Once prepared to wreak havoc

if we lost and make a victory pyrrhic. Another to get rid of their roach nests underground.

 In the end I do not think either of these tactics is really what I would do.   Others who feel different, that is your choice, on team free will, but that does mean for all... or none... kind of thing.  I do not want revenge enough to send soldiers to die, so rich people cannot live out a few crippled years on a dead planet. May kind alien's save them or whatever, though I will fight their methods on the surface for funding their dream, as a missionary to the future who looks back and see's what he can do to make things easier, is my vision now... preparing for peace, not war. I am prepared for war. 

 Peace involves a lot of other people. War I can wage alone, should that be my decision. I pray it never is. I would be careful if I were an actor who has seen one side of this, and has replaced their trust in facts for what is easiest to believe... you will look foolish in the end, and getting in my way, later, will be problematic. For now I think of all of you and wish you the best. My critics tell me much, and I am thankful for them... tell me the truth, with your spin... I am sure it works on many. I am not going to respond to all the tv shows. No offense. 

 Many of you went to a lot of trouble, and probably felt a lot of trouble, but you taught me much. I never in a million years felt like I was going to secretly lead or follow women. The situation is that I support women's issues, they know that, and I have stood up for them, ready to die with them, when everyone else declared their blood worthless. I knew God was doing something, as well that there was a massive, world wide campaign doing things. I am still ignorant of much. I have nauseous feeling at the thought of learning everything that has transpired. Many of you know more than me about certain matters, but you know NOTHING hardly about me, my motivations, let alone what I knew about and did not. I was willing to be friendly with anyone, I thought. 

I am preparing for the end of the world, using what resources I can gather to make the road less rocky...  the glass I crawl over, I hope matters in the end.   I have an obligation to make clear some things, and one of them is that I want you terrified of what might happen if you take certain actions;  I want you surprised by great force;  I do not want to destroy the infrastructure that is there, though I certainly mean to change the way the system itself works.  Workers first.  Owners get theirs, but only if the workers get theirs first, as it should be, and as any SMALL business knows.

 Now I am supposed to worry about an image, of a cat, used by propagandists, when I still see working classes against the elite as the only war happening on this planet, and the actors as duped, or deeply instilled in the elite class.   I do not care which.    Call me a liar, use your words to tell me what is believed by your sides, tell me how you hate me and more importantly WHY?   This is still conjecture on my part, though I have enough context to understand the rigidity demanded by people RUNNING A CULT.   I on the other hand think you should avoid them at all costs, never go away for that free weekend because people can be converted, this is SCIENCE, not your will against theirs, but your will against thousands of years of knowledge and SCIENCE on what works best for brainwashing.  

   

This country needs to become democratic socialist, nothing more or less, which is the will of the people... not a king, president, or one political movement.  I want to see Unions voting collectively to make decisions for employee's so they have more power, tax the rich, get our asses out of the war business.   We have a lot to get ready for in this country, and facing climate change, not faking people out with sunpower and windmills that still use gas all over the place.  Cleaner ways exist.

I do not know you. Will not pretend to... you think you know me?

My thoughts are not as see thru, I believe, as some seem to believe.... eventually just wanting some change, anything, besides being isolated from intelligence. Too much never would have happened of others plans, though i threw them into chaos from the beginning. The brain washing changes of becoming Jesus flooded me, too my thoughts... then the day to day mundane punctuated with odd sights, different groups at the beach, which guy said was Sacred, not that I knew. Sacred to me, for sure, the beach where out of the blue I understood I was being watched. Never had that before. They were drugging me in my water bottles I was told. I figured, still an innocent, that law enforcment would see this shit and stop it.... when NO ONE came to talk to me... I was in a maze, and literally that cryptic, stone, complex maze, began to fill with blood, until I was finally able to crawl out... I found myself being interrogated for mass murders, on going... that I heard about for the first time from my interrogators. I was also ignorant because of need to know, to a degree I could tell the truth and still not be able to provide anythiing to Reborn not with the joyous, innocent blood of childbirth... the crimson, brown, black splotches covering me smelled of murder, torture, mayhem for the sake of mayhen... madness. In this blood, I was found in the battle field, and were told I was the leader, the face everyone knew was involved, perfect patsy... why the CIA WANTED me to kill myself so bad... not to mention they were rightly so paying for blood with blood. They tricked me with patriotism into following a president I would have swept away, had I known what was expected of me. They did not count on me having free will, let alone morality they could not buy. I believe in God, immortality, that doing the right thing is worth risking my death, no matter how certain that looked at the time. I would rather die with my conscious intact than be forced to fight against justice, or the rights and welfare of the forgotten and poor and old and young -- those who have no voice, have a screram in me.. those who couold never kill, have a killer in me, professionally speaking. I am no murderer. What is done in war is done in war. When one is in peace-time, however sporadic this illusion comes into my life, I want to hate myself for decisions made when I could smell blood in the water, became a shark in a mindless feeding frenzy, or a dictator of religious decrees... a man who wrote all the time and believed what I wrote was my legacy. This has not proven to be the case at all, of course. I do not give a damn about my legacy. Whatever is best for the masses is how I will try to act, and I gave the rich a way out which they will take when the time comes, it is is win win in a new system... or our system, with taxation and forced redistribution of trillionaire and billionaire wealth, and also making some utlities owned by everyone, not the stock brokerrs; the workers, not speculators. This will too radical for some, maybe it is for now, but we need that 70 percent tax cuts back. I remember the world before that, and things were getting better, moving in many ways in the right directiton. I had message this week about being survailled with may or may not have to do with politics, or criminals selling access to my website, like I am pon... God, when I heard I was the porn king or gay hero in South Korea, I was maddened by how I was being pegged as things I had absolutly nothing to fucking do with... again, other pwople seeing 'sings' from the I am... I felt so sordid. The flashes of me in maryann's ratty housecoat, because I no longer was living in reality -- I was in my mind, and tortured in a way I hate to remember. I was surprised people looked at me like they did. I had for one never went to a public restroom and had sex with some stranger. I joked about all these things, there is nothing wrong with it to me, do as you will discreetly... kind of thing, but even then... not my call. Sometimes people need to be indescreet I suppo I still regret how that ephiphany came at exactly a moment, when I wrote, not thinking anything would come from it all, Burn me. Do your worst. I would.... the tv took off with messages, and the SNL show. I realized this was not some huge spy game but this sordid, fame whore looking guy, who was worshipped... a guy who could easily be taken wrong from afar, who was seldom questioned... the lack of knowledge into a bewildering alice in wonder liker experience led me to destroy a lot of good people. I still look at the tv personalities, and journalists, and musicians that I dealt with and wonder how they were harmed, who is still in the resistance movements I know of,a nd a few are. I am finally in a position to make suggestions wiserr people discuss and often go with it... not always, thank God. I have never had the kind of balance to stand on a pedestal very long. more to come...

THOSE WHO WEAR BLACK

A group that only wore black came to the beach one day
I looked into the eyes of a young man, pain there.  He did not respond to my pleasentry.  Many different groups came, they called the beach holy ground.  I wish I could have been there for you then, known you were waiting for leadership.   I felt alone.

I fought your watching me.  Thought, if I am not going to benefit from this life of mine, I might as well martyr myself.  There is nothing more significant than what we do.  We have to find ways to bring justice without taking no for an answer, anywhere.   I hear of the darkness that prevailed, torture of blacks -- who later taunted me back with what was done and I had no idea what they were talking about.  jhy Other matters …

I THINK I was called a rat or was actually.   By someone whom I wanted to check the blood pressure on, affiliation, who broke my heart once, and fool me once, and such...  I considerr them guilty of leaving me ill informed.   I could not calculate a  scenario without all the evidence;  I needed the proper facts to be Spock, rational.  Leaving me ignorant of California …  matters like these drive me mad.   You never would have seen me at my worst, or disgusting-est, had I known what was happening around me.

I DO NOT WISH TO BE A SILENT PARTNER IN CRIMES

I AM not here to see people who believed in a revolution or a spiritual revival
harmed in any way.  I believe we are all victims of brainwashing of one degree, like my at least three days in a hospital,  the harsh sort of changing of a personality, inserting a voice.

The circle of life/piles of burning of bodies....

I wonder now, looking at the body of my work which was taken as a plan to revolt, and later a religious text or life text more like where metaphors were taken literally, leading to hell's...  I cannot imagine your hate of me, even if you did realize, someone else had set this up.... and I was not in charge, never was, had various groups at  back who I did not even realize were there, let alone were the public told as far as I know, though of course I am still more ignorant than so many of you.   I have no idea what my audience is now.   I know about the communists.   I know little else and I am grateful for all assistance, though my cores never change.   Freedom of speech, a free press... to hunt down the vermin, write stories that make the law jump.   Ain't this stacked world, where presently, the us president is walking all over the law.

I know some of these people once believed in me.  I know of others.   I feel for all of you, and empathy awakened late, now that I have digested some small bit of what you went thru.   I needed ten years, and I did.   We did not have it...  I wanted to be convinced my life was normal other than tv seemingly following my life, while outside my door nothing much seemed to change, the bills still came in...   I hated creature I knew you saw me as when I realized I was being worshipped, because I am not like the one I became fighting against the only face where my friends or foes seemed to appear, screaming at the television.   I cannot explain those last few months, after I became a darling briefly, and bill moyers said I was finally ready to go to Washington and be a speech writer....   so much bullshit I had heard on that tv....  then I did the unthinkable.    AND THEN I learned the truth, who I worked with, their tactics, the place I had in this world.  The race war, for God's sake...

I have to be grateful toward all my critics.   I have to learn from the most hateful of them....  Makes me think of xrt, who I can only see as the people who tried to be my friend, until that became impossible, and I understand why now.   I remember one dj saying he did not want to go to prison, and I am fairly certain he did not.  Again, obliviously leading a group I thought only existed in my mind, and evidently enough in the world that a show came out with Keven Bacon, whose poor family had to live under security because of this, and I am sorry for that experience, and pray you have recovered and thrive.  I thought I was seeing lies, had no idea I was in a cat and mouse game with the FBI.


I honest to God had no idea why the FBI had any interest in me, and I had hoped actually that if my work caused death that they would come and talk to me.  But things do not work that way in the rabbit hole, and I was a hostage...   then, beginning when?    I was offered all these places to go live in the first few days....  when I was stunned to be Christ and high a hell on love and weed and pills...  I was stunned I was loved.  I am not sure why I expected hatred?    Maybe I knew that is what is always happens when a new message from God appears, and the old salt is tossed out... so once more GOD can inhabit the cathedrals, now disgraced for their rape of innocence, institutionalized.   Until these sins are brought into the light, the Catholic's will be disgraced on certain levels....  This requires exposing many long hidden, and they have power in the church.  Their firing would cause further damage to the PR they say --  the path to salvation if fraught with pain....  redemption is earned with the crack of a whip, not soft words of forgiveness.


I know this to be true, and accept what not what is my due.  I do not want anyone judging me on this planet.  You will and I will judge you and we will both be way off and not even know it.  I judge you and you judge me, both of us way off and we do not even know it.


I think sometimes I WILL JUST SHUT UP... then I remember when I tried that, and was rightly called a deserter...   told my own pain did not matter right then, I had to fight... and I did a bit, not as hard as others.  I have been sheltered.  I wonder if this is why my mental health still seems intact?

I never meant to …  is over.   Mostly I mean now, though then not always... Dylan, I have to get over caring about that... totally unfair.  I am sorry for any pain I have caused him, like his peace prize... my cackles go up as I write this, but still... I the man does not deserve to have his peace of mind messed with me over events I cannot quite conceive of yet, and without being a witness have no idea.


No who criticizes me that I get mad at deserves any retribution of any kind.  I do not ever feel the same way once the storm cloud as passed.   I do not want kill or be killed.  I would rather be ignored than be that person again.   I had no idea people were actually taking my words like you were, thru the phases of what gangster, porstar, whatever.... stardom was never part of what I had.  I was messed with and fighting forces I did not understand, and am still vague about.  I will make mistakes.  I do not write from the highest peaks, I wish my useful words used and the rest ignored.

This Joker Business.

     I am saddened of course by the events that led to this movie, than the movie, which is meaningless to me in some ways.   I am not flattered by the attention, more astounded, as always, that I am still seen as this huge threat.  Things were done in my name over which I had no control.   Every time I stood up to what was going wrong and fought for what I believed to be right, no matter the consequences to myself.   Other times I was cowardly in my thinking, I realize now.  Had I known the then I would have been able to defeat it, as I have now.  Fears I can live with -- I would much rather have them.  I have had too few on the larger scale of life.  Too many on the petty.


    I thought for awhile it mattered that my name be cleared, but the more this settles and I am able to accept and process the scope, to the degree I have, the less I wish to be troublesome, to say the least.   I led from an inspiration that I believed to be God himself, in my poetry.... in my life I was a rebelious teen offending everyone to no good purpose.   I have a message or two for this world, or a way of saying old messages anew, that appealed to some.  I will not fight for no reason though for the right reason I am all in.  I would prefer every avenue be explored first, but only within reason.

I lost my ability somehow to define myself.  I did not lose this entirely when the Jesus idea was new to me.  I lost it to the public image of me, which has nothing to do with me in the least.  And everything to do with me.   I feel now like I will use what influence I can to continue to advocate for the people to participate and change.

I am still fought and seemingly still asked to participate.  I do wish to fight this pedophilia shit they place me within.   I have never even been around children since I was a child.  I hardly fit the description of a pervert.  More a guy embarrassed to go the toilet in public sitting down, than.... and I have NEVER had sex in a bathroom with a man or a woman, or in a public park or any of these things I played around with, trying to normalize the idea of different sexualities.  I did not much care how you looked at me if this bothered you, I was trying to help the people going thru it, having problems.


I feel as if I made a statement saying I GIVE UP...  the environmental destruction is inevitable, and I do not want to go out fighting for a revolution that is going to made irrelevant in the course of events...  on the other, this might prove crucial.  I do not know what plans people have for going into space, or travel, maybe they all arer adepts of some sort, and know we are all just going to a higher plane and do not worry about it.   I worry about the pain of getting there.

I want to help you but I am always confused by what is required.   I do not have the expertise or source documents around me to make judgement on much of anything, in some respects, in others I have been studying ethics, through novels, art, philosophy, and religion my entire life.   I believe in these things but I am no ideologue about anything.  In a leadership position, I would have proved effective had I been contacted and properly introduced to the parties involved, without having been brainwashed, reduced to someone I do not know now, when I re-read his convictions.   I am not God.  I thought I might be a God or something of the sort, and I am something different, enough events have happened to convince me of this, though the ultimate creator is a being I have had a relationship most of my life....  never once did I think I could come up with all this.

I welcomed the love of this being who inspired me to do good, but that was mostly my parents, as well.   Still, whatever, the reason why people did not recognize the person they saw on the webcam was because that was not me.  I surfaced in my writing, where my various higher angels end up.   I was a sinner though I am not going to call it that.  I think of it as being stupid, needing to learn a few things.  I came into this ill prepared and always will be, my keepers do not want me to know that much I think.  I am the tiger, I am all in black.


I forgive everyone who hates me outright.  In the context, my behavior was monstrous, and my words fanned on mass murder, crime, mayhem...  and in others a revolutionary spirit, but no one seemed to know what to do with the convoluted shit I was spewing.  I could not lead a war I could not see, nor even be allowed to know much about.  I could certainly not be expected to act all I LOVE YOU WATCHING ME...  If you need guidance, if I am in a position to make peace, or lean this country to the left, help the unions, the down trodden, God's people... who to me are nothing special to anybody though miraculous to me all along.  I used to marvel at people who could buy a house.  Have those kind of lives.  I envied car mechanics, I never looked down on people because of their job.  My parents did not define themselves by their jobs, but by their societal beliefs and ethics...


I do not like being feared.  I did ask for your fear, and indeed, of course, deserve your fear.  Though in another manner you have NOTHING to fear from me.  I do not have any designs on harming anyone.  I have responsibilities to civilians and combatants on all sides to be judicious and sane about these matters.  I am a person who will not act violently with premeditation, 99.9 percent of the time.  I do not want it.   I do not want plans that require violence.  I am not God and in control of the ways things are, or what works, either?

I told you the myth I take as my metaphor for my existence.  I am a soul far from home, on a journey helping souls develop.  I am not sure why I am here?   I thought it was to provide a mercy killing for a bit, or maybe I just sensed the end was coming in a hundred years or so...  I don't know.  Did a number on me...