I do not know you. Will not pretend to... you think you know me?

My thoughts are not as see thru, I believe, as some seem to believe.... eventually just wanting some change, anything, besides being isolated from intelligence. Too much never would have happened of others plans, though i threw them into chaos from the beginning. The brain washing changes of becoming Jesus flooded me, too my thoughts... then the day to day mundane punctuated with odd sights, different groups at the beach, which guy said was Sacred, not that I knew. Sacred to me, for sure, the beach where out of the blue I understood I was being watched. Never had that before. They were drugging me in my water bottles I was told. I figured, still an innocent, that law enforcment would see this shit and stop it.... when NO ONE came to talk to me... I was in a maze, and literally that cryptic, stone, complex maze, began to fill with blood, until I was finally able to crawl out... I found myself being interrogated for mass murders, on going... that I heard about for the first time from my interrogators. I was also ignorant because of need to know, to a degree I could tell the truth and still not be able to provide anythiing to Reborn not with the joyous, innocent blood of childbirth... the crimson, brown, black splotches covering me smelled of murder, torture, mayhem for the sake of mayhen... madness. In this blood, I was found in the battle field, and were told I was the leader, the face everyone knew was involved, perfect patsy... why the CIA WANTED me to kill myself so bad... not to mention they were rightly so paying for blood with blood. They tricked me with patriotism into following a president I would have swept away, had I known what was expected of me. They did not count on me having free will, let alone morality they could not buy. I believe in God, immortality, that doing the right thing is worth risking my death, no matter how certain that looked at the time. I would rather die with my conscious intact than be forced to fight against justice, or the rights and welfare of the forgotten and poor and old and young -- those who have no voice, have a screram in me.. those who couold never kill, have a killer in me, professionally speaking. I am no murderer. What is done in war is done in war. When one is in peace-time, however sporadic this illusion comes into my life, I want to hate myself for decisions made when I could smell blood in the water, became a shark in a mindless feeding frenzy, or a dictator of religious decrees... a man who wrote all the time and believed what I wrote was my legacy. This has not proven to be the case at all, of course. I do not give a damn about my legacy. Whatever is best for the masses is how I will try to act, and I gave the rich a way out which they will take when the time comes, it is is win win in a new system... or our system, with taxation and forced redistribution of trillionaire and billionaire wealth, and also making some utlities owned by everyone, not the stock brokerrs; the workers, not speculators. This will too radical for some, maybe it is for now, but we need that 70 percent tax cuts back. I remember the world before that, and things were getting better, moving in many ways in the right directiton. I had message this week about being survailled with may or may not have to do with politics, or criminals selling access to my website, like I am pon... God, when I heard I was the porn king or gay hero in South Korea, I was maddened by how I was being pegged as things I had absolutly nothing to fucking do with... again, other pwople seeing 'sings' from the I am... I felt so sordid. The flashes of me in maryann's ratty housecoat, because I no longer was living in reality -- I was in my mind, and tortured in a way I hate to remember. I was surprised people looked at me like they did. I had for one never went to a public restroom and had sex with some stranger. I joked about all these things, there is nothing wrong with it to me, do as you will discreetly... kind of thing, but even then... not my call. Sometimes people need to be indescreet I suppo I still regret how that ephiphany came at exactly a moment, when I wrote, not thinking anything would come from it all, Burn me. Do your worst. I would.... the tv took off with messages, and the SNL show. I realized this was not some huge spy game but this sordid, fame whore looking guy, who was worshipped... a guy who could easily be taken wrong from afar, who was seldom questioned... the lack of knowledge into a bewildering alice in wonder liker experience led me to destroy a lot of good people. I still look at the tv personalities, and journalists, and musicians that I dealt with and wonder how they were harmed, who is still in the resistance movements I know of,a nd a few are. I am finally in a position to make suggestions wiserr people discuss and often go with it... not always, thank God. I have never had the kind of balance to stand on a pedestal very long. more to come...