The stream

     I am now in the stream


pushed along by the snow melting in some far mountain
passed thru the cities of man
and polluted with the bloated corpses of excess

Some clear spots where the bottom is a gorgeous garden of stones
the fish coming in close and then scaring and disappearing in a flash
I want only to swim with them but I am seen as a monster with an appetite
Cloudy water kept me from seeing you
I saw the references as links to people who felt as I did
I tried to organize my  enemies to fight evil
think they were friendly masks.

I wanted to create HEAVEN ON EARTH
destroy satan's throne in this hell and turn the scorched earth into gardens of Eden

Coming down into life
is walking into hell for a being who knows better
the Returning Buddha told you life is suffering
For reasons of a food chain and pain as a life saver
we became


Brainwashed boy went awry -- wouldn't play their Christ
in their Operation Blue Beam

a PASSION PLAY
with a twist at the end

Surprising all
even those who thought they expected as much
could not believe the actual experience was happening

I remember how I had to debase myself into being criticized
to find out what was happening
opened to Criticism I was torn into millions of words
typed neatly and cut out of my thoughts and writing and reading and
every awareness stored in the deepest corners of my unconscious

I grabbed at the words and had to rewrite my entire
cosmology of the world
this time on the rock of God
Evil tried to get me worshipped
Their thrones are all sand to me...
The tides of this time will spread  them to the seven seas


Evil tried to take me into the millionaire
hell bound club
whether there is a human created hell
 or a God created hell
I see the wisdom in the Christian condemnation of hoarding wealth
why the rich go to Hell said the Christ on his last visit

God can herd all the camels in existence thru the eye of a needle
I pray this is the case in the end
all sins forgiven
all starts clear of past debts of money and deeed

I will never join the hoard out there
 trying to profit on being the Christ
The Christ existed ONCE
as did other Holy men
they come back as others
what is needed for that time/chosen by a Loving God we Trust
I was many men in many times and lived lives blessed and damned

Now I find the wisdom of being different each time because human thought
is a shared experience
an agreement on the ever changing truth
in the age of science
replacing the fiction addled myths
where the shunning of science soiled my name
I no longer wish to keep the myths
fairy tales with happy endings
There is an ending undreamt
un-dream-able
reward at the end for all
never made sense to me even as a small child
why the idea that anyone who would murder was crazy
was not universal
killing someone seemed the stuff of madness much deeper


than the knowledge of the world
replaced my inuitiveness
The eccentricities and drunken baffoonery
gave me the life of a crippled ego lying my way thru the world
always accompanied by a woman
who took notice of my qualities of kindness and love of justice
unfooled by my intelligence
though knowing I have my moments
I told her I had a problem with lying right away
my last girlfriend and I agreed all people were liars
and lied to each other all the time
when I first found out her life was a bit of a lie and she did out right lie
I was surprised because generally she seemed to tell the truth
and I was the one telling the white lies.... avoiding conflict with her
whenever I could/
bringing on enough already with the pills and pot I was abusing
back then... before I set controls on myself and my supplies diminished

My love for her was learned only after breaking thru
a head filled with porn and patriarchy
remember the night I blamed our lack of sex on her
compensating for the narcotics effect on me
and how her bitching at me for damn good reasons
had caused me to no longer think she could be trusted
with my feelings

I almost left her thinking I could leave behind the life
that I have lived in intelligence
as a religious leader
as the UNHOLY ICON
worshiped above an all seeing GOD
to whom's magnificence I AM nothing
a son   the son  a position of constant struggle
to ease the pain of life or....

stir up trouble to ease the suffering of the many
by the few who take liberties

I was tempted often and hidden in a fool for a cover
anger over terror
I remember believing I needed to be coy about what was happening
how much I knew and did not

ANOTHER REGRET
so many I lock them away in their own asylum far from my conscious mind

My friends tell me I am not at fault though they cannot know the full story
others know what happened around me so much better than I do
that I feel a fool mentioning

I have been vilified as I expected
loved as I never dreamt
listened to more closely than I knew
terrified a world with my ignorant anger

I am winning if I am alive
This philosophy makes sense when you realize how
I have risen and fallen and rise again
the ressurector
the superman

just a person placed in a position I would choose
if for not the history created for me by others
the bodies that come in my wake
the followers who I entrusted into the hands of wolves
insulated in an ivory tower where boredom is my most frequent enemy
My tormentors mere memories
I always have remembered any incident or embarrassment
with intense revulsion that never seemed to stop feeling horrible
they come up for reasons I cannot fathom and blind side me
take me out of the moment
sometimes I shake my head to rid myself of them
I throw them out of my conscious mind and compartmentalize my mind

I write  now only for those few
Who I do not even know if you exist
Before you told me you were right in the apartment next door
like I could go knock and these people would tell me
finally
what was going on
in this world

allies who quickly turned to hating me
for reasons I did not understand at the time
lies told but God was going to stop that train
with or without me
The Hand of God you may laugh at as Clinton did
You will regret such things in the end
I feel no vengeance or hate for her only pity and love
She has the intellect and once the drive but she has been hallowed out
by the murders and the secrets
hollywood should find another womyn to back
who embodies what is female/not a war mongerer
suffering from stockholm syndrome her entire life

Trump is worse though he will bring back the storm
lost when my people were maligned and massacred
How this was let to happen is beyond me and why I awoke
so many mornings saying Oh, God...   for the longest time
after
I learned of all the death around me
and what I would have to deal with
that day