I am not sure what is wanted of me....

      I am not sure of my reach....  I am not sure if my caress is love or poison?  I do not know if I should reach out for the better angels in those who seem to have acted like fallen angels while watching me rage, taking me for a wanton murderer?   Seeing people who I was working with doing atrocities.

    I AM glad to be moving forward again with some direction, if the signs I am seeing are correct.  A lot of mixed marriages on television has pleased me, the gay situation of representation is much better, minorities... still, womyn, are getting the shaft on the abortion front, era, etc....  ridiculous matters that show the patriarchy does not work.  Never did.  Nothing has, I suppose, for long, we humans who have been around such a ridiculously short period of time and think we know so much.

I saw China Lake and if what I am reading is correct, and the signs I was given point there...  used to be tv was addressing me so much I would try to just watch and miss things over and over then it would hit me, they are talking to me?     I do not know your strategy with this unless it is what I discussed, not allowing them to live since they killed us.   I get that one, but I am less enthusiastic for wasted blood.  That was fighting a genocide, this is organizing for a mass human extinction.  Two entirely different matters.  Had I know I would have went out on a sub...  I truly wish that I had.

Regardless, the point here is not what I wish I had done --  God is in charge, and saved my ass from letting loose even darker powers than we had running things before.   They tried to tell me I destroyed the house of hart.   I realize it is all bullshit propaganda, stuff they would not even put out if it were true.  The easiest way to tell how powerful I am is by my enemies.   You would have moved on long ago if the threat had disappeared.  We need to be much more than a threat, we need to sit at the table with five aces and have the rest of the players too afraid to call us on cheating.

I do not want people harmed.  I do not want the gulliontines for anyone.  I want a sane approach to what is about to happen on this planet.  That was always my mission, to try to get peace.  I never thought of fighting for peace.  The fighting was for revolution.  To stop the corporations.  Now that this illusion has passed through, I am fighting to make life fair...  and if the climate change can be stopped, do it.   I would use any funds right now to aide those who have been harmed so far.  Then I would let them laugh at our proposal enough they understand how serious they are.   I thought of a cruel circle of death developing around them.  This seems wrong to me on reflection.   They should start at the center of the circle, then work out until they find someone who will negotiate.

This fund must be seen over by scientists.  Economists.  Etc.  They need to be doing what you need done in the now, but also giving us accurate predictions of what we can expect to come, and how best to sanely, humanely, and with dignity and grace deal with this as best we can, for as long as we can.   I will be around a long time more than likely.  Another fifty years will see many changes, and what I have just seen with this cult will be even more so repeated by false prophets everywhere, in all languages...  they will fall into cannibalism, they will...  you know better than I what will happen, some of you, who witnessed this break down of law and order.  You waited for a leader who was waiting for the calvary, unable to believe he could have fallen so far so fast.  Angry as all heaven at the world.  When I should have been kind and gracious.   Who knows then how long behind the scenes horrible things would have been happening.

People thinking the flood I spoke of as literal going out on boats, or just to escape some break down in society of which I was not privy to any extent, for the most part.   When anything added up to something I was against I fought.  Had I went along peacefully I would not feel I could even write these words.  My war never ended.  My war cannot end except in peace.  I see no peace on this planet.  I see no movements for peace on this planet.  Jesus could have brought peace, but instead I became war like, why????    I cannot begin to understand.

Well, I could, but I am tired...  pain, confusion, reacting to the criticisms, the mocking, people even knowing what I was doing... it was so...  nothing anyone should be put thru.   I realize this was a special case, and I have to forgive you.  I cannot go on without the thought that people must be forgiven for acts of war.  I would not want mobs out killing people who are involved in activities I do not personally care for, or criticize.  Thinking twice before they get involved with them would be enough, just as any other writer asks for.

I could not believe one of your first questions was about fixing animals.  I fixed my animals when they sprayed.  The first two I got were already.   I knew I would never let my cats out, so I gave them a chance to live with them.  I AM not everyone.  People who let their pets outside should not take the risk, period.  I DO NOT know what is best for everyone, or necessarily for cats.  This was all a joke, a joke about balls....  in the character of Johnny Pain, and I am not my characters... never was, never will be.

NO ONE I write down is me, because I am not important at all.   My actions are of grave import to some, but I myself...  I saw GOD.  If you could see what I have see, you would know what is important, and it would not be the current flesh you are in.  Still, I care about life, all life.  I want to of service to humanity if I can.  This is what I SET OUT to do.  I started this as an artist, who lied without compunction, etc...  I am not the creature they created in my mind anymore, or not completely, or I do not think so.   I may have been hypnotized over and over as they said, and did not remember it... but the one time was so jarring when they brainwashed me, that I find this hard to believe, though...  it would explain all the prophetic dreams and such.

Science can only explain so much though.  I should have allowed my seed to all who wanted it... in my anger I said no...later, unthinkingly, crazed, I said something about...   ugh, I do not want to repeat it.  anyways, my point here being...  it is good that I did not, with the end of the world coming and all, probably better everyone adopted.    I will give it away if someone makes that decision, etc... though I will wonder always if this was the right decision or not, given the coming times.

I saw supernatural showing Chuck bringing a real apocalypse.... just as I have seemed to have announced one.   I said God reveals himself though Science, as well as prophets.  Now he has.  A time to leave this planet has come.  I am angered by those who brought this on, though most of them are already dead, and it is too late now.

God have mercy on our souls... and our flesh.  and let us be the hands of God.  Not holding a gun if we do not have to.  This time we need to think about where to set up safe havens, funding, a trustworthy way of keeping commodities, not cash... etc...  hiding spots around where we can... etc.  All that is long away some day but someone has to begin to prepare.  There ain't no one else but us.













I do at this point forgive everyone I have ever fought against or for.  I did not know better.  I was not a gray person before...  my white is faded gray splashed with red blood.  A COMMUNITY.   This is surely what I want.  I will not tolerate certain behavior on the part of anyone if I can have a choice.  No racism, islamophobia, patriarchy, homophobia and all the nuances on that theme...   these are all distractions.   Economic equity will make cultural differences something to celebrate, not fear.   People are afraid, and with good reason, but we can give them all a chance.  All a decent life for a bit.  The best we can provide.   Ending war is the first step to making diplomacy and open boarders and example the way this country teaches, lying on the USO to Europe and communist countries will no longer work.

The lie of the states is so huge, the secret societies, so powerful.  I know now power presides with you folk, but you have yet to tell me YOUR plan.  I want to trust you very badly, know that the mission I set on, like a jazz song, has now went into improvisation for awhile, and can get back on course.  Should I think we are re establishing a house?   Should I think I am helping women stop being sexually harassed and treated like second class citizens, etc -- all for that.   Matriarchy?  Go for it.   A man should never be the leader of women.  This I know.  Our culture has destroyed us, porn has destroyed us, history has destroyed us...  there are echoes, evil voices from the past, that ring through us whether we want them or not.

I know women have the same impulses and are not perfect.  I do believe that you will stop war before the men will, or I hope.   That is my simple plea.  A government that stops war.  I do not even care what type it is, other than a theocracy or a monarchy or... well, yes I do care, and a benign world dictator was a good idea.   I could do it now.  WITH A HELL OF A LOT OF HELP.   I could not do such a thing as a religious figure, and use myself as an example, rather than a candidate.   Better qualified, science oriented people should be in charge in a round table, but they will need to make hard decisions, though if they are not based or race and prejudice,  they will do alright.....

People only fear this now because of the type of leadership they have.  Or a real united nations... whatever.  Power has to be restored to responsible hands.

I will be backing the democrats,  and try not to be too hard on Biden in the build up in case you sell out because he will be better than trump, and his vice president may get in and be better.  We will see.   I still believe you will lose the election without Sanders.  Gabbard I am beginning to have doubts about, all of them voted yes for the largest military budget in history.... sickening.

I believe at this point tRump is talking about using bikers and cops who worked with me.  I did not know what they were doing is all I can say.  I do not know how much power they have.  I get told about a biker movie, Nicholas cage, with a cult and think is this what people experienced?   I refused to say I had anything against biker's all along when they were questioned, because I do not.  Never had.   There is a huge difference between saying all these people can be saved than... which is what tI thought was happening for awhile.

I want to continue to be a friend even to those who have done the most hideous acts, because I forgive them and believe redemption is possible for anyone.   At this point redemption will not come from fighting for tRump.   The mob has to hate me for what I did.   I do not want that war to continue either, unless there is something I do not know.  They got their president, it seems to me...  but I am better than that man, and would never have led where he is.

I am imploring the bikers and cops to stay out of this or join in with the people attempting to save your children, and you.  tRump thinks you are pieces of shit, attack dogs.   Your lives and the future mean nothing to him.   I pray it means something to you, when you decide where you will be.


To the cats in black, I believe, and the women, Amy, I am thankful to you.   I am thankful to all of you, grateful and humbled.   That I was loved astounds me.  That I am hated, I get.   I expected that reaction due to my somewhat more radical views than the norm, and invited it once.   Now I see it and it strengthens me not by making me hate more, becoming a monster to fight monsters, just a determined soldier of God glad he is striking fear in the hearts of the wicked.

The Gotham ending asked me what my name is...  fox hated me, with good reason...  I guess.  Regardless, my name is John Scott Ridgway.   I am not the Joker and never was.   I do not really want anyone harmed from that show either, in any way.  I do not care.  They taught me that the socialist side of my work is scaring them....   but they have it very wrong if they think these last tten years have been spent doing nothing except plotting revenge.   I don't care about any of that.

I also wanted to address Supernatural.   Sam said to Chuck, our life is just a show to you?    I want to say your lives were just a show to me for a long time, I had no idea you were telling me real events.  When I DID know I was sickened.   I know your efforts were mighty and painful.   I am thankful to you.   None of your pain is just a show to me... though it was for a long time, which is why I could laugh at death or have a poker face when I should have been raging.  I do use the poker face when I need time to think or do not wish to show my emotions.    I have seen myself resurrected as different characters.   You gave me hope I was being understood.  I had great hope for Jack, a resurrected with the name I was mostly called.  I  have not lost my soul, I put a dying cat out of it's misery and it haunts me daily.  Hardly someone who does not love and care.  I hate that this happened, but I watched the one die in agony, and I could not let him scream like that in agony.