Spend my days wondering about things, not a childish wonder; a more adult wondering where every answer brings more problems. A problem that solved creates others, or always has more awaiting than one can ever get to. I see things thrown at me that show the simplistic creatures involved in this debate with me, however vague the perimeters, and at least from me, loose of any party, just issue oriented.
The time you asked me if the players treated me bad as the manager, and this was why I hated sports, which I did not... it was among three distractions from revolution that came to me as I wrote a poem. Bread and circus is the oldest trick in the book, and this was my reference. I have nothing against sports, enjoyed my friends on the team. I was treated as an equal, the same as the players... sure as hell never had the jock versus the stoner thing, though a few jocks tried it on me, once at a new school, though it did not work very well when the long haired guy got right in their face and scared them too much to even want to look my way again... I feel like I am dealing with either very unintelligent people, or this is the comic book version of life you want to believe...
The questions about these matters always surprised me because I felt clear in my writing about what was going on, and resented when the tv intruded, for the most part, or mentioned me, even when I had to watch the shows that did, I would have preferred not. I think that is part of why this crushing feeling of humiliation and how the masterbation had went out and then I am asked why I put my dresser in the only fucking spot in the place it fit... by then I was so beyond caring what people on the tv thought of me... I had to learn all I could so I stood it, took it in... etc... I made excuses for it in my mind, that it did not feel like hell all the time. I used to love being alone for the weekend, would shut off the phone, just do art.... or get drunk... still, loved the feeling of no other eyes creating me than my own. I still have a bit of the in and out of the matrix on all of this, just to survive, a day to day normalcy once in awhile though usually 24/7 this is going through my mind, reaching for ways... praying for solutions.
I feel like I will do anything to avoid violence that I possibly can. I believe this can be avoided entirely. The time has come for all parties to come to some understandings, though they need to take the concerns of the many into consideration, or we will need a war to gather resources for the future our leaders ignore. This is why I mentioned piracy. Money can only go to this project, I hope. I know other things get in the way, and I do not always know best, but donations are the best. I should think people who wish their children to have something in thirty years, who cannot afford the ticket underground, should help. I do not want people made broke, or extorted or any of these things.... the end does not always justify the means, because while the mountain top is the same, there are a lot of paths. HAVEN. Why not. It gets across, taken from a tv show, but still... why not... though the name is hardly something I care about, just the idea of it brings life to the dream.
I am sorry I wrote about m c so meanly, whether he deserves it or not is up to actions I have only been hinted about, so I hope he is a good guy.
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