Resurrection; the Stone Has Rolled Away From The Crypt

You drafted me.  I am still not sure how much power I had and how much others were pretending I had, as they utilized me for their mission.  I pray not too much, though I know better.  Second to the thought that I WAS BEING WATCHED all the time, the idea that I was kept so ignorant that I did not understand half the time when you were telling me what you did or why, or how I was involved?

I think of a cartoon I saw once, after I had extolled the working class, showing executives and such being led into a small, brick factory with a prominent chimney high above spewing clouds of smoke.  The times were such that parts of the population were being murdered.  I do not know how big the groups they were whom they were telling me were gone, or anything about them really, just remember the rushing feeling when this was announced to me thru a radio broadcast...  feeling like I knew these great secrets the elite were pulling off...  I still had the notion that whatever side I was on had to be the right one, the Godly one, acting for justice and the working class.  I did not like the implication of the cartoon, however.  This spoke of large scale killing.  This all came to a head when I was watching a Disney channel and they joked about killing everyone with blue eyes... or so I thought they were joking until the weather caster got mad and angrily said, HEY, I HAVE BLUE EYES.  I cannot convey the feeling of suddenly knowing the words we were speaking were so deadly, or the horror they would be provoking to people with blue eyes, who I took to be Aryans or something.

Whoever I was working with at that point obviously had brown eyes, I learned.  A passing woman had tersely blurted out to me, the way the spies did when they wanted to get something across to me vaguely coded, THERE ARE A LOT OF BLUE EYED PEOPLE IN ALASKA.  I had written a lot about Alaska, and it seemed anywhere I had eluded to became significant to people, as Colorado did when they believed their Emperor, as one group called me, wanted the state.  I do not know what happened around this time but South Park suddenly left for LA, which I knew had to be caused by something desperate.  Grasping at these straws  I had to build a world view.

The other groups I know even less of.  Had I known the various affiliations of the groups, I obviously would not have allied or attacked them.  This is why I had to write I officially burn all bridges, so now if you want one to me you will have to build it according to my specifications, or I will light it up with you on it when it comes near this island.  I will never accept your definition of me, like any man accused of crimes for which he is innocent, I will fight to return my name to where it should be.   I AM A REBEL in a system that took for granted I would go along.  And I did before I understood what you were up to....  now I find the blame that comes my way for events I did not know about more than absurd, I find them dangerous as hell, and require me to stay in the fight, as much as that may seem the mouse squeaking at the elephant in the hope the urban tale is true...  or as  MAN OF GOD, WHO KNOWS HIS FATHER will not abandon him again... there are times when I seem to know that you are hurting yourselves by hurting me, in ways too cruel for me to ever think of, without serious provocation, which I considered what was done to me by intelligence with the brain washing.... when a relationship starts with a rape of your brain...  the ultimate violation, having your personality and thoughts violently tampered with, a guy like me has a hard time calming down, and is going to be enraged with you most of the time.

I started out thinking the world was thinking in harmony about me, during those first few days when the tv seemed to be announcing the return of Jesus and I was enthralled and appalled by the thought that GOD and Jesus were not only real, but that I was Jesus.  Seems like a dream now, but certainly not the glory days.   There was no glory.  There was mostly pain.  I was in so many emergency wards that year, and two psychiatric wards, where people were brought in to talk to me, and I could tell by steven Colbert that I was being watched even there.   They would bring people in with no problems to meet me, with one guy saying he had arranged the whole hospitalization to meet me.   It was a period of intense scrutiny into the mind of this God, I believed.   I am not trying to do a narrative here, but in case you do not know my awakening was HELL.  The way I was treated afterward was Hell.   This is why while the focus was on me, I tried to launch a revolution.  Obviously one was needed if they had the media as controlled as I was seeing, and had been making plans for this shit forever...  I was just personally pissed and for me that meant fight back.   My poem about attacking taking no prisoners, can't afford them, I honestly wrote for the benefit of the soldier I thought might be able to blitzkrieg to a victory, not realizing that by then I had harmed the real revolution, helped usher in the Bush era of secret rule by corporations, the rise of Nazi's, etc.

The Nazi's want many of the same things I want.  Socialized areas of society, and the removal of the Zionist controls on all countries by taking banking, taxing wealth, reinstating inheritance taxes, all kinds of sane shit.  I will not tolerate harming innocent people, and that includes Jews.   I cannot care what you think.  I can care about what you do.  If we are to work together there has be a strong demarcation line between those who are civilian, and who are soldier.  Civilians live.  We do no have to destroy entire cities, though I have....  we need a war of surgical strikes.   Always aiming for the heads of the snakes on the damned mountain sized head of this hydra.

My call is to the ragged survivors who once believed we could do this, who were misled.  By myself and others.   I gave you terrible advice when I discover that there were all these small fighting forc \ces, based on an idea I had for protesting....  especially when I told you to go home.  The fight was at a stage I had no idea about, and we are dealing with the secret prisons, not the court system, so they probably took advantage of my telling you to redeem yourselves, and as a song sings, you were told to go in and confess and then we would regroup, do this peaceful, then were killed.   This is possible.  The song also states there is no God and heaven is between a woman's legs.   I am sure the irish band with this cia assignment was a well paid.  They might have wrote the song out of hatred for what happened, though it was used in the general destruction of my name, even winning huge awards and such for the band that came off fighting my ideas, and all that rock n roll had been telling them to believe about me, until I pissed off  some one for something I did not do...  I get it.  I have a few of the same myths in my mind. 

Now I cannot give up after what I have learned so I have no choice except to rise again with my plan and see if there are enough sane people, or if they will continue to just follow the same old orders, the one backing genocide seven billion folk, who will help.  There is only stopping this or dying.   If you think living thru such an action will not condemn the minds of all generations to come, then you have a psychotic view, which is why this will turn into a fight, not a debate attempted to get at the truth.

I have to have the trust of the blacks enough, or should, for this hostage business to be over...  I think...  no one is paying any hostage money to get me free, after I i

THE WEBCAM

I was trying to drive you off when I masturbated.  I kept threatening you with doing something really disgusting if you did not stop filming me.   I am still pissed and will die this way over the way certain groups reacted to this;   instead of listening to an easy message, my words, saying, "SOME PARTS OF LIFE ARE X RATED."   I WOULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS HAD I KNOWN THE EXTENT OF THE AUDIENCE, and if you do not know this about me by now, I am pretty much done with your lying, deluded ass.   Why would someone who NEVER even spoke much about his sex life, let alone show any sign of being an exhibitionist, etc... suddenly do what I did?   I still feel sorry for the fine actor from Modern Families who did me the favor of breaking the fourth wall, though just the second I realized you were watching me in my house, which occurred when I saw you show someone, from the perspective of my tv where at least one bug was located, putting on a green housecoat like I had been wearing.   The pitifulness of my situation struck me hard.   I reacted in a deadly rage, and would have killed over this.   I heard someone in south korea was fired over this, where evidently I was a big hit due to the gay community over there being so repressed, and here  I was protecting gays at every turn, as I have my whole life, and it would be hypocritical with my past to think I should criticize someone for natural urges. 

I was trying as hard as I could to live my life as if you were not watching me, which is why I bristled so much when people told me to watch what I said and shit like that.  That is true in public, but when your house has been invaded, as mine was, and your life basically raped, I felt I should be particularly defiant.   I expected to make money off my fame, instead you gave me the persona of the joker, then some psycho with a nuclear bomb holding the city hostage, and then finally superman, who you had batman kill....  stupid.   I did not watch that movie because the others pissed me off so much I am waiting until it is free and I HAVE PLENTY OF DRUGS BETWEEN ME AND REALITY as a buffer for my rage.   I have never asked to be worshipped, etc...  never thought a throw away line in a short story, that I would edit, and was surprised was even there, would cause libraries to close.

I have a very difficult time seeing any of this from the perspective of watchers and believers.   I feel like I can relate though to those who hate me, and believe their faith was abused.  When Ben called me up and told me two guys I knew had went fishing and caught two types of fish, I believe a brown and red trout, perhaps... the added he saw a science fiction movie about people who lived underground and were so pissed when they came out that some of them had to be shot.   This was during a very suspicious period in my life, when a lot of people were down on me and trying to tie me to the slaughter of the people who had been worshipping me, who I did not even know about.  That I never had a chance to talk to these people, as I would have had I known they existed, is a tragedy that many should be hung over.   Including those two irish drunks in Rogers Park, but that would open a can of vipers that you fear, of course.  Can not have anything that happened to me surface, because I am now top secret.

You made me a hero for awhile, then a villain...   you are a hero when you are winning no matter how much death is attached to you... and a villain when you are losing.  The big war I started then refused to lead, mostly because you took me by surprise.  The last thing in the world I thought would happen was a revolution.  After the fiasco in 07, which again, I learned about way too late to do the right thing.   I am not angry I saved the president, because I never set out to harm the puppets in politics, and puppet he is because I had those strings for awhile...  though I did not know it.

I feel particularly bad toward Mexico and Puerto Rico and the other countries who stood behind me even as I acted the fool on a world wide webcam that was evidently much more of a hit than  I can still really deal with.   My life shows none of the outer trappings of the millions I was offered, or the time when states all over the country were inviting me to come live there.  They were heady times, no doubt, but I wrote to you very early on DO NOT GIVE ME POWER...  but you did.   I probably did need it, but that was not what I set out to do when the Christ was pulsing thru me, and the words of God were etched on the human mind once again directly from the source.   I still get this feeling at times, still know I AM.   It does not matter if I am the only one in the world who believes in me with exception of God, and he told me many years ago, while speaking to John the Baptist, that I am his beloved son....  I wonder about that line while I suffered on the cross.   I really expected the sky to open and angels to save me.  The circumstances were very different than the bible writes them up, which is rather easy to see if you even do the slightest bit of research of how the Romans treated the Jews.  For one, there was no holiday freeing a Jew every year...   and I was crucified for being a ZEALOT, a revolutionary who did want to pay taxes to Rome and support their unholy icons, the worst of which was the roman leader who claimed God head for himself.

The thing about me is that I do not like to announce my presence, until the exact right time.  You humans made the mistake of brainwashing, to make me more moral... me... who had lived more moral than any of you hypocrites could ever understand.   For this you had to pay and you did.  Should you look at the actions of all who took advantage of me, abused me, etc... you will see the CURSE OF GOD destroying them one brick at a time.   I told the TRIBUNE when they wrote an article saying I had no wisdom, and was merely internet savvy, I did not buy it, just looked at it in the store...  I did not need to read what my critics were saying at that point because I knew I was being misjudged and did not want to throw gasoline on the fire, so to speak.   I did get home and tell you the tribune was done.... and now a hostile take over almost got them, and another will be alone, and another perhaps, before the mighty tribune is hollowed out and turned into other, basically destroyed. 

You took me for too left and you took me for too right.  When you had a show suggesting I was Ralph from the simpsons, because of my affiliation with the police, and the republicans and democrats wanted me to run for office, and someone came on my tv with a dull gray background and said he would demand to see all the prescriptions for anyone running for office.  Fighting the chronic pain I for a brief period went to two doctors, and occasionally ran out early on the tramadol and ordered them on line.    I was taking way too many that is for sure.   I do not do anything of the sort anymore.

Now is the time you could have came to me and told me I was such and such and had a shot at leading these various groups, or just working with them, and I would be very honored and humbled, as I am by the thought of all those who put their belief in me.   I can only say I thought I could see through the forest of lies, but I could not.   I was still trapped in the MARK mentality that is bred into humans around the planet, so they never fight the power structure.

I do not know what happened to the people  I worked with...   I know some, like WXRT, who provided music that I would find strangely mirrored my life, and was this started spoke directly to me once in awhile.   I did not know what they were up to either, just knew they were on my side, our fates tied together.   THEN they turned on me, like the rest of the world, when I made sure that people could criticize me, which was the only way I learned what was going on.   I think God for the brave people in the media, etc, who came to my aide.   I am sorry that I did know enough to function properly....

I do have a great welling up of love and humility and respect and horror and responsibility when I THINK of those who died, those who tore up their roots and hit the streets...   we should have held the country when we could, though that will only happen when the blacks and whites and reds and yellows or a certain philosophy, and more importantly economic victims of the elites politics of hoarding wealth, come together.  WE will win again.   They may have purged the navy, and my vague much qualified speech about forgiveness and such....  a song them came out on XRT, from some unknown Irish band that sold their soul to write a CIA hit, slamming all religion and saying the only heaven was between a woman's legs.  They won all kinds of awards and such, in a mission to discredit me, and all religion.

I keep telling you that you must not lose your religion, no matte what you think of me.  My father is God, and he is your creator, and I have experienced him in my life more times than my memory allows me to count....  God Bless you all.   I will never allow the webcam again unless the revolution or the religious require such a thing, and then it must be done by me, and only at certain times.  When you told me and it finally sunk in that children were watching, it came to me that if I HAD kown about that I would have quit cursing while around them, and told the nice stories, not scared the holy head out of them.   That was for those who were ad pressedl

Big Boy

Evacuate primary personal from a, e, h....  6760--  448007.   Resurrect in 3 days.  Chi town primary directive in place.